Business Secretary Vince Cable has declared that his recent views on the coalition government and Rupert Murdoch are not astonishing failures of judgement but are in-fact lines he was rehearsing for his unannounced one-man pantomime performance to be given to cabinet colleagues on Christmas eve.
'My intention was to use an adaptation of the classic line of 'Oh no he isn't' after each statement. For example 'I want to declare war on Rupert Murdoch' was to be followed by the line 'Oh no I don't' as was the statement to bring down the government and anything else I might have said to those tossers from the Telegraph.'
'Of course I need to now say that the people I called 'Tossers from the Telegraph' really aren't tossers by adding 'Oh no they're not' added a flustered and sweating Mr Cable.
'It was terribly kind of David Cameron and Nick Clegg to join in the spirit of my performance by declaring to be 'Behind me.'