The winner of next year's X-Factor has released their biography today - Next Year's Winner: My Story - in order to give the public an insight as to who they really are. Little is known about next year's winner other than it's not a band and that Louis Walsh is not their mentor.
The publisher pointed out that people haven't a clue about next year's winner and that's the reason you need to buy the book.
"The biography has been rush-released due to phenomenal interest in the next year's winner and is a must read for all fans. People don't appear to know anything about next year's winner and we fully recommend you buy the book so that you know everything."
Some extracts have been leaked onto the net already and it paints a picture of someone struggling to get into the recording industry. It's what they always wanted to do but haven't had the breaks. Their life had been plagued by a series of sad sounding backing tracks which have slowly built up into a triumphant crescendo.
Dad did three cleaning jobs and mum worked down pit just to get enough money to buy their first karaoke tape. The family adopted twin orangutans who are like brothers and come to every coffee bar gig they do. One of their former teachers told them they would make it and a dumped partner originally put them forward for the auditions and they came straight from counting peanuts at the local peanut packing factory. Cheryl became like sister they were never able to understand or relate too.
It's an unfamiliar tale of not really being that great but somehow getting several million people thinking you're wonderful until the novelty wears off.
The book contains a full page warning of the perils of winning by Steve Brookstein who still makes a decent living moaning about winning even though he was only ever a pub singer and thus unable to sustain a pop career. His story has yet to be told but could appear on the back of a new stamp if the Royal Mail is sold off.
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