The Meow Meow outbreak reached crisis point last night, when it was revealed that a celebrity gardener has been affected.
Alan Titchmarsh issued a heart-wrenching plea for the goverment to get tough with plant food drug peddlers, after discovering his prize begonias were totally dependent on Meow Meow.
Speaking to the influential Yoof TV programme Live from Five, Titchmarsh condemned the twisted drug dealers. 'This shit is gettin' serious,' he told the programme's immature viewers and presenters.
By encroaching on Britain's twin obsessions, celebrities and gardening, the drugs merchants have bitten off more than they can chew this time, Titchmarsh said. As several national newspapers seek to boost circulation with gardening giveaways, the timing of a drug aimed at the plant community couldn't have been worse, he said.
Meow Meow, or MCat, is also known by street names such as Good4Roses, Tulips-u-Nurture and I Can't Believe my Begonias. By inducing a greater workload on the mitochondria of plant cells, the so called food can encourage growth, stimulating an artificial 'high' in plant shoots, elevating them above the ground. 'At one stage, I was freezing cold, but I swear I could see Daffodils, in the snow,' said one gardener, who had become convinced that spring had arrived, in spite of all the weathery evidence against.
Fighting back tears, Titchmarsh opned his heart for the first time, after discovering that he'd inadvertently given his own begonias the deadly plant drug Meow Meow. 'They're totally depending on it now. If I stopped giving them their daily fix, they'd die,' he sobbed, 'it's like food to them.'
'Anyone who can get a young begonia hooked on Meow Meow deserves everything that's coming to them,' said a spokesman for Scotland Yard's new Celebrity Concern Unit, CCU19.