After successful bogus blame-game headlines, where new exam targets were made up so 1000 schools can fail them, the Government has now decided to solve the financial crisis by declaring a tough new "richness" target for poor people.
As an interim target, everyone is, today, to be rich enough to shop at Morrisons, and by 2014, everyone is to be richer than everyone else. Anyone not richer than everyone else by 2015 will be heavily fined.
In spite of the targets being set almost 7 hours ago, it has been revealed that 1000000 poor Britons are still falling way short of the expected amount of richness. Shockingly, some people are even poorer than they were a year ago, and this is clearly grounds for everyone to say "that's awful, why are these people allowed to bring this country down?"
The government inspection body for richness, "Ofdosh", will be set the task of explaining this worrying situation, but are currently at a loss to explain why there are still some people in the country who are not very rich indeed.
Meanwhile, Ofsted are inspecting the below average schools; this will not help them, but will certainly make sure that people who send their kids to private school can sleep well in the knowledge that state schools feel suitably bad about how awful they are.