The Union of Arseholes who do Martial Arts has moved swiftly to discipline one of its members, after he failed to demonstrate his skills on a vaguely interested member of the public.
"Anyone skilled in hand to hand combat is duty bound to point out all the pressure points on a new acquaintance and list the way you could damage him," said a spokesman. 'What's the point of doing karate if you're not going to intimidate the harmless?"
UAMA handed out its most severe sentence to date - a chinese burn, followed by a neck hold - after Kevin Webb failed to rough up a new acquaintance who expressed an interest in his karate obsession. To make matters worse, Webb infuriated the panel at his hearing by claiming that karate made him feel confident. To a stunned silence, he reasoned that being confident meant he didn't feel the need to assert himself aggressively on others. "I don't think he even understands what being a martial arts arsehole is about," said a spokesman.
This week UAMA celebrated its 200th anniversary. For centuries its members have prided themselves on their rudimentary knowledge about hand to hand combat, which has enabled them to boast how many ways they could restrain someone, render them unconscious or kill them. Webb is the first martial arts arsehole to ever claim that his knowledge of karate is enough to make him feel good in social situations and that he doesn't need to demonstrate his ability to beat up an office worker, should things kick off in the pub.
"How on earth can you feel confident without bending a man's hand backwards or miming to shove his nose back into his head and into his brain?" asked a furious president of the Union of Arseholes who Do Marital Arts.
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Karate expert blackballed for not demonstrating his powers on new acquaintance
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StoopyDeGunt
offlineMemberPosted 2 years ago # -
ronseal
offlineMemberMet a bloke in the pub the other night who claimed to be an ex member oof the SBS.
He pointed out all my various pressure points and ways to incapacitate me.
I wasn't remotely threatening him, so I don't know why he had to do that.I'm wondering now. Would a real member of an elite fighting force act like that in public?
What if you met an elite accountant in the pub? Would he or she start listing the weaknesses in your tax return?
Posted 2 years ago #
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