There were confused scenes at the Sanhedrin yesterday when the trial of Jesus Christ, self styled ‘King of the Jews’ collapsed after the counsel for the defence successfully argued that the location of the execution was too vague.
Appealing against the sentence, Christ’s duty barrister, James Simon, brother of Peter Simon, son of Joseph, drew the court’s attention to a number of concerns.
“Firstly, we have the issue of my client’s human rights. Clearly an execution is not in his best long term interests. Secondly, I’m not happy about the way of his arrest in the Garden of Gethsemane. This case stinks of entrapment and I’m certain that the soldiers exercised unnecessary force. Did the arresting officers have certificates for those swords?”
“Finally, and most importantly,” he said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice, “there is the question of the execution site. I cannot accept that ‘A green hill far away without a city wall’ is sufficiently accurate. Unless the court is able to prove that this vaguely located green hill, wherever it is, has planning permission for a crucifixion. I must submit that the defendant is released.”
Considering the appeal, Roman Prefect, Pontius Pilate said “Look everyone. It’s been a long day, the holiday weekend is coming up and I’ve got a fitness class to run. After due consideration I think that James Simon, brother of Peter Simon, son of Joseph, may have a point. Either the crucifixion is to be held at Calvary which is just up the road or on a green hill far away. It can’t be both.” After a sigh of exasperation, Pilate said “I can’t see that releasing one man can make that much difference to anybody, so I wash my hands of it. Case dismissed!”
Strangely, Christ, the reprieved man, was visibly upset by his unexpected release. In a written statement read to the throng by his solicitor he said “All of this has come as a bit of a shock. It has certainly changed our plans. I don’t know what my Father is going to say.”