Woking pensioner John Woodward was responsible today for causing a telephone signal satellite to break down thanks to a three hour conversation between him and a Mumbai call centre representative from British Gas.
Woodward caused the break down by over working the syllable microchip in the satellites database that deals with the 'so' and the' rry' syllables to collapse thanks to repeating it several hundred times during the conversation. This had the domino affect of bringing the microchips down with it that deal with the words I, can't, hear,you causing the whole system to crash and making the whole satellite inoperable.
'I didn't want to cause so much fuss' said an apologetic Mr Woodward ' I only wanted to query an overcharge on my latest statement and if I thought I was going to cause a billion pounds worth of damage to an expensive space thingy then i'd of thought twice about it, especially as I was only querying four pounds sixty pence ' continued the 85 year old.
The conversation which began at six o'clock yesterday evening should of only taken ten minutes to resolve but such was the difficulty of Mr Woodward hearing Indian call centre employee Ntwar Malik the conversation went on until nine o'clock only interupted by the satellite known as Beta600 breaking down due to overuse of it's syllable microchips.
Beta600 technicians based at JFK industrial Park, Houston, Texas were left reeling under the fear of the cost of having to repair their billion dollar space receptor ' we've just gotta get a space shuttle up there right now to sort it out' explained Cheif Technician Buck Love jnr ' it's not like we've got someone up there who can just pop round to PC out of this world and get some spares to fix it'.
Cape Canaveral were reluctant to prepare a space shuttle for an emergency repair and were looking to sue Mr Woodward for costs incurred for arranging the launch but this appeared to be quite useless as the Woking resident was only able to raise a hundred and fifty pounds at such short notice which was an amount set aside for his grandchildrens christmas presents.
The space centre also tried to get some compensation from the Mumbai call centre but were frustrated in their attempts to get anything as they failed to hear a word of what was said to them. Infact the irony of the whole conversation was made plain when the alternative satellitte they were using also crashed after the space station officer said 'sorry I can't hear you' to the later translated Indian response ' i'm sorry if your not hearing me sir but I think the usual satellitte we are using has gone up the shitter'.