The litany of broken promises by Liberal Democrat MPs expanded yet further yesterday as it emerged that Education Minister Sarah Teather MP has broken a pledge to take her turn on the school run.
Teather explained “When I agreed to go on the school run rota, I fully expected to be able to keep my promise to take my turn. But once I got to know my neighbours kids, it became clear that the situation was far worse than I had imagined. They are an assortment of spoilt obnoxious brats and noisy, snotty nosed oiks. There’s no way they’re getting in my people-carrier. It was a hard decision but they will all benefit in the long run from the extra exercise."
Meanwhile Treasury Spokesperson Danny Alexander MP refused to buy a round in the pub on Saturday, it has been revealed. Alexander explained “I went to the pub with my mates fully intending to buy a round. However, when I got there, the beer turned out to be a lot more expensive than I had realised. I therefore reassessed the situation and decided that it would be in the interests of my short-term economic stability were I to decline to get my round in. My mates will all benefit in the long term, from the reduced alcohol intake.”
Finally, Lib Dem Health Minister Frank Gillman has left his wife, it has been announced. The MP explained “I went in to the marriage fully believing that I would be able to adhere to the vows I made. However once I was in the marriage, it became clear that the situation I was inheriting was far worse than I could have imagined. I therefore thought long and hard about all my options and with a heavy heart took a responsible decision to commit adultery. My wife and kids will be better off without me in the long run, because I am a cheating philandering bastard”.
Gillman added “And if that little bastard son of mine still thinks he’s getting an X-Box for Christmas, he’s got another think coming”.