New Regulations come into force today aimed at boosting the economy by increasing the level of rubbish that must be displayed in the front windows of all commercial vans. The Dashboard Detritus (Minimum Standards) Regulations 2010 will require all vans to display at least two tabloid newspapers, a grubby A-Z, boxes of screws, several used takeaway cups, scrunched up paper bags and chocolate wrappers, as well as the invoices that your boss has been looking for for weeks.
Launching the Regulations, Highways Minister James Hardy said “The new rules will boost local economies. Local newsagents and coffee shops will all benefit from van drivers buying more shit to leave on their dashboard.”
“We’ve stopped short of regulating humerous soft toys on radiator grills for the moment, but of course this measure will complement our recently introduced spot fines for not carrying the messages “I wish my wife was this dirty” and “Also Available in White” written in the dirt on the back door.