Police have revealed that Taser guns are their number one deterrent of choice in tackling the scourge of over-eager little dogs who pull so excitedly on their leads that they appear to be travelling sideways.
The breakthrough was announced by Kenneth Stewart, Chief Constable of Lothian and Borders Police.
“Some of those critters’ ears were practically dragging along the pavement,” he explained. “They just want to get to that incredibly interesting thing over there, no, there, just over there - that little bit faster than their owners are prepared to walk them. But we discovered that a single blast of our tasers to the centre of their furry chests is enough to have them walking upright and to heel in no time. Plus, it’s a lot of fun to do. Some of the littler guys do full airborne three-sixties – it’s awesome.”
“It certainly worked for me,” blushed Lydia, a four year old Cairn terrier. “Before my Taser experience I’d be, like, waaay over to one side pulling on my lead – some days so far over I’d be looking at the pavement with one eye and the sky with the other. Loads of us were doing it. It made us feel in control, I guess. But after only a few thousand volts from the nice man with the long leggies, I’ve changed. I’m a good dog now. Yes, a good dog. A very very good dog.”
“We’re very encouraged,” Chief Constable Stewart declared. “We will be rolling out the practice over the next eighteen months to include roundabout rabbits, seagulls who stand on parked cars and bold sheep who don’t drop their gaze. Bring it on.”