New Zealand has made an official complaint to the US State Department after it emerged the country was not once mentioned in the 250,000 Wikileaks files released today.
Officials were said to be 'hurt' and 'sad' at being left out of what's already being called the world's biggest bitchfest by American diplomats.
Prime Minister John Key told reporters: 'I say this to Hilary Clinton: where are all the requests for intelligence on New Zealand? Why are you not wanting background checks on me and my Government? Are we not important enough for you and your spies?'
After pausing to punch a Kiwi, the PM continued, now speaking directly to American President Barack Obama: 'You know what Mr President? Why don't you and your CIA and your FBI come to New Zealand and play us at Rugby? Then we'll see who's a super power.'
Mr Key added that surely someone in the American Embassy would have written home about the Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit filming, saying: "I mean, do these people think Middle Earth actually exists?"