The Pope has put an end to several decades of speculation by announcing that he is Catholic. “After many years of innuendo and suggestive media reporting, I have now decided to be open about my religious orientation. I am proud to be Catholic and see my Catholicism as a gift that gives me life”.
It is believed that the Pope’s advisers had previously advised him to remain silent on the subject of his Catholicism as they feared it could damage his popular appeal if it were to be widely known.
Catholic campaign groups around the world hailed his announcement as a step forward for Catholicism the world over. As one spokesman put it: “It’s been widely-suggested that the Pope is, in fact, Catholic for many years. In fact, when you think about the way he dresses, the way he moves, and the clothes he wears – not to mention the fact that he’s never referred to a love interest in public or been photographed with a glamorous female companion – it’s blatantly obvious when you think about it. We’re glad that the Pope is comfortable enough with his own Catholicism to make this brave public step – he is an excellent role model for Catholics the world over”.
The news was greeted without any surprise at all by national leaders and other public figures. The Pope’s announcement comes in the wake of his autobiography which is expected to be published later this year.
In other news, Canadian scientists have discovered that grizzly bears often defecate in wooded areas; and pop star Ricky Martin has announced that he is gay.