The Conservative party today unveiled controvertial new election pledges in the face of fierce critisism from both Labour and Liberal MPs. Speaking on the BBC leader David Cameron explained how his party would work to help families, if elected at the forthcoming general election.
"The Conservatives recognise the hardships that decent British families have been subjected to under this failed Labour government and that is why we will put the family
at the centre of our policies when we take power. We want to take the pressure off busy parents and to achieve this we will be launching a new national family support phone service. Callers will be able to request free childminding from Boris Johnson who can be booked on any weekday evening. If that wasn't enough we want to help feed the nation and Nigella Lawson will be available to cook for families after a long day at work. We also recognise the importance of tranport in the lives of the modern family and the new George Osborne car wash will free up time for busy people to put their feet up and listen to The Archers on a Sunday. And if all of this was is not enough I will personally come around to your home and do your ironing. Proof that the Conservatives put the family first."
Labour leader Gordon Brown laughed down the Tory plans saying "This is typical Tory electioneering. How do they propose to pay for this service after last weeks pledge to provide free tea and cake for all pensioners?". Meanwhile Liberal leader Nick Clegg condemned the proposals as unworkable. "As usual the Tories haven't thought things through. It doesn't take a genious to know that Boris Johnson would never be able to find the right house, let alone arrive on time. As for the half baked cooking proposal we have all seen Nigellas recipes and they are mostly chocolate. Hardly a healthy endorsement is it?".
In spite of public criticism of the Conservative proposals insiders believe that they could sway undecided voters in what is exected to be a very closely fought election year. Rumours persist that Labour are aiming to woo voters with a new Alistair Darling Shoe Shine campaign while the Liberals are putting the finishing touches on a policy document that would see Vince Cable come around and mow your lawn.