The Hampshire Police Authority today attempted to justify the approval of purchasing 159 mobile data terminals (MDTs) which will be fitted to the force's patrol vehicles for the purposes of connecting with their desk tops back at the station.
'We like to think that this is like one PC helping out another PC by helping him keep out on the beat without the need for him to waste time sitting in the station filling in loads of boring old forms' explained Councillor Adrian Collett, vice-chair of Hampshire Police Authority ' by the other token it will be good for the officers morale that they will be able to sit in their cars in the middle of a town centre eyeing up the honeys walking by while pretending to look busy on their mobile terminals' continued Collett.
Hampshire Police are hoping the new device will go on to be a vital aid in the reporting of offences such as shoplifting, house break in's and vandalism which can be reported there and then on the portable gadgets without the need to waste time and petrol for the officer to return to the station to report the inevitable ' are you insured sir because I wouldn't get your hopes of us catching them'. The officer can then be freed up to return to warming the seat of his patrol vehicle where he can look out for more talent wearing short skirts and high heels.
'There are many ways that the device can be helpful to the local constabulary and saving them time and energy in unsuccessfully solving crime is one of them. Keeping a police presence out on the street is what this gadget will help us with and that is what the british public want isn't it ? but i'm not going to make any rash statements on whether it is going to reduce crime or not' said the vice chairman with his arse firmly sat upon the fence.
Collett has rejected criticism of the new device being an expensive luxury as unhelpful towards the aim of defeating crime or at least helping the Police to report it with less hassle to themselves 'yes I admit financing will be expensive and I know that to train a 1,000 officers the police authority will have to borrow approximately £1.5 million to do it but if your don't try it on once in a while, how else are we going to blag our way into buying more technical shit that in truth will not make any bloody difference to reducing crime, but don't tell anyone I said that'.
Councillor Collett further tried to explain away questions surrounding the usefulness of the MDT by stating that it has a more of a practical purpose than being a mere transmitter of information 'the data terminal is hefty enough to double as a makeshift truncheon and is more than capable for example of knocking to the ground a protesting student or flooring a drunken youth who is trying to re-decorate the bonnet of an officers police vehicle with the contents of his stomach'.