Stirlingshire police have posted an alert to ascertain the whereabouts of beloved and diminutive comedian Jimmy Krankie. Inspector Donal McConvert has reminded local media that during the last cold snap, Krankie was only saved because one of his Constables heard muffled screams of Fan-dabi-dozi from a sudden drift of Siberian snow. McCovert commented, 'As always, we are particularly concerned that Krankie still refuses to wear long trousers during the Winter months and that school-cap of his does little to stop 40% of his heat escaping through his head'. Emergency services have said that Robbie Coltrane’s armpit is on standby, in case Krankie is discovered to have fallen victim to the weather and needs to re-animated in a safe and steady manner.
Forecasters had predicted that the cold-front is likely to work its way down the East Coast of England tomorrow. Surrey police have already ensured that Ronnie Corbett has been placed in a cardboard box, with strips of clean newspaper and sufficient breathing holes.