Dr Van Helsing claims he is being victimised as concessions are being made to Werewolf Hunters who are allowed to carry on taking their silver bullets to work with them.
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Vampire Slayer taking employer to tribunal over cross ban row.
(14 posts) (8 voices)
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Zadok the second
offlineMemberDr Van Helsing also took a swipe at the 'Health and Safety Loonies' alledgedly making his job a misery.
"I am a Vampire Slayer" he said in a sstatement outside the courthouse. "That's my job desciption and my title. I am not some namby-pamby Afterlife Transition Manager. And no I am not going to write up some 12-page risk assessment in case someone gets a splinter from one of my stakes."
Posted 3 years ago # -
editor
offlineAdministratorKeep going with this - it's a good area!
Posted 3 years ago # -
Zadok the second
offlineMemberUnder the terms of the ban, Van Helsing is barred from carrying an actual cross, but may in fact carry "two sticks, which in the event of an unforeseen supernatural event can be fashioned into a rudimentary cruciform to enable the individual to carryout his routines."
A spokesperson for the Vampire's Union made the following statement: "Our members feel that this action is totally justified. The modern vampire should be able to go about his daily blood-sucking without fear of a foreign-accented old man waggling his icon about."
Dr Helsing's employers have agreed that he can carry the cross but only if it remains hidden at all times. "Perhaps he could consider hiding it under a burqa?" they suggest.
Posted 3 years ago # -
Iscariot
offlineMember"the HSE are also demanding that I fence off my stream 'as a control measure to help prevent children from falling in'. No account is taken that it is already a control measure to prevent Vampire access."
"I shall use make this point in Court next month when I appear to explain possession of a 3lb club hammer on a 93 bus - it is a tool of my trade."
Posted 3 years ago # -
Ian Searle
offlineMemberOK, help please what's the etiquette on this. I have had some thoughts over night... sun block, allergic reactions to garlic... bla, bla, how should I move on. I would be great to incorporate/adapt some of these other ideas, but I don’t want to steal them...how do I move on please
Posted 3 years ago # -
editor
offlineAdministratorDoes somebody fancy writing this all out as one flowing idea incorporating all your favourite ideas but maybe giving it a bit of structure and a punchline?
The etiquette is that this site and all subs are open for anyone and everyone to have a go, and as John S says above, as long as due credit is given, nobody should take offence!
Posted 3 years ago # -
RichT
offlineMember"It can't carry on like this" declared Dr Helsing announcing the first of a series of walkout's by 'Vampire Slayers who were also members of Unite'. Plans we're underway for a number of pickets to be constructed outside local graveyards.
When asked to comment today the Devil said he was confident of running a "near normal Vampire service" during the stoppage.
Posted 3 years ago # -
Ian Searle
offlineMemberDr Van Helsing claims he is being victimised as concessions are being made to Werewolf Hunters who are allowed to carry on taking their silver bullets to work with them. He claims, “It’s unfair, if I were a Jedi I would still be able to carry my light saber.”
Under the terms of the ban, Van Helsing is barred from carrying an actual cross, but may carry "two sticks, which in the event of an unforeseen supernatural event can be fashioned into a rudimentary cruciform."
Despite this concession Dr Van Helsing also took a swipe at the 'Health and Safety Loonies' allegedly making his job a misery.
"I am a Vampire Slayer" he said. "That's my job description, and my title. I am not some namby-pamby Afterlife Transition Manager. And when I am trying to hammer a stake through some one’s heart I am not going to write up some 12-page risk assessment in case they get a splinter in their finger.
How many more young men and women must become zombies before something is done? I spend 80% of my time at a desk, filling in forms. What do these people want? Blood?
I have already stopped using garlic because it may cause an allergic reaction to the Vampire, and now I am forced to carry total sun block in case they get caught by the rising sun. It just makes a mockery of the whole thing!
The HSE are demanding that I fence off my stream 'as a control measure to prevent children from falling in'. No account is taken that it is already a control measure to prevent Vampire access.
I shall use make this point in Court next month when I appear to explain possession of a 3lb club hammer on a 93 bus - it is a tool of my trade."
A spokesperson for the Vampire's Union made the following statement: "Our members feel that this action is totally justified. The modern vampire should be able to go about his daily blood-sucking without fear of a foreign-accented old man waggling his icon about."
Dr Helsing's employers have agreed to look into allowing him to carry a cross, but only if it remains out of sight at all times. "Perhaps he could consider hiding it under a burqa?" they suggest.
"It can't carry on like this" declared Dr Helsing announcing the first of a series of walkout's by 'Vampire Slayers who were also members of Unite'. Plans we're underway for a number of pickets to be constructed outside local graveyards.
When asked to comment today the Devil said he was confident of running a "near normal Vampire service" during the stoppage.
a joint effort
Zadok the second
malgor
Iscariot
Rich t
Posted 3 years ago #
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