The British people are in an increasingly angry mood because someone who has been dancing/singing/twatting about the Australian jungle on television for 8 weeks/6 weeks/a few days has been allowed to carry on dancing/singing/twatting about the Australian jungle for a while longer, despite clearly not being as competent at dancing/singing/twatting about the Australian jungle as someone else who has had to stop doing it.
'It's so wrong,' said Maureen Stubbs, a distressed, 43-year-old waste of oxygen from Luton. 'Anne Widdecombe/Wagner/Gillian McKeith is nowhere near as good as Felicity Kendal/Paije Richardson/Nigel Havers, but after we've voted on it, she/he is still there and he/she is gone. Is this what we fought the Nazis for?'
According to nearly every idiot who can somehow raise the energy to think about this, Anne Widdecombe/Wagner/Gillian McKeith moves about the floor with all the grace of a rhino on mogadon/sounds like a drain full of chemical waste being cleared/is clearly a complete and utter fruitcake who has a phobia about bloody everything and that she/he should therefore no longer be dancing/singing/twatting about the Australian jungle, because it makes a mockery of everything.
However, a minority of the cretins, who pretend to watch the dancing/singing/twatting about the Australian jungle programme in an ironic post-modern sort of way, argue that the rest of the cretins are missing the point about reality TV.
'It's a popularity contest, not a talent contest,' said Jeremy Strang, some vacuous tosser from north London. 'We are like the Ancient Roman crowds, we live vicariously through the mass media and enjoy seeing washed-out celebrities/delusional wannabes make fools of themselves, so we keep voting them in until we tire of them. Anyway, it doesn't matter because Matt and Aliona/Cher Lloyd/Shaun Ryder will win in the end.'
Clarifying government policy on the subject, David Cameron said: 'For myself, I prefer Pamela and James/Rebecca Ferguson/Dom Joly, but it's all just a bit of harmless fun that brings the great British family together of an evening ... What's that Skippy? Nuclear strike on South Korea, 5 million dead? Oh, aren't they NAUGHTY?'