Prime Minister David Cameron today created a new Cabinet position for the Daily Mail.
"We considered a peerage," Mr Cameron said, "But that's for old has-beens. We needed to recognise the key role that this august publication plays in setting policy in this country on a day-to-day basis."
With a similar roving portfolio to the Deputy Prime Minister - except more powerful - the Mail (as it's known to close friends) will continue in much the same vein as it does now, making snap judgements on the basis of scant information before moving onto another of its seemingly endless list of bête noires.
The Mail will also hold a key position at the Department of Health where it will continue its quest to categorise everything in the known universe according to whether it causes or cures cancer.