Our under cover reporter, posing as an affluent, Champaign-swilling old-Etonian claims that he was personally told by our Home Office Minister at a seedy nightclub that, inline with government Council and social housing policy prisoners, who fail to embrace a work-ethic will be expected to exist in the exercise yard, homeless. “It will ready them for their return to society” he allegedly proclaimed, suggesting that support will be provided by Bear Grills and other urban survival experts and training in cardboard box dwelling and skip-raiding will be freely available. The plan is expected to encourage a modern-day work ethic, whilst clearing additional cells for new inmates, second-hand cardboard boxes will be provided along with out-of-date fuelled Skips and the occasional late night soup-run combined with Salvation Army, brass band-accompanied religious services, designed to lift the spirits on cold December nights. No spokesman was available to comment from the Home Office.
“They’ll have to sleep rough in the exercise yard”
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