In a daring ‘reverse psychology’ gambit unprecedented in interracial street warfare, the English Defence League are to spend next Saturday afternoon in Preston vociferously embracing Muslim extremism in the hope of terminally confounding Islamic terrorists’ expectations of a bloody jihad and seventy-two virgins in the afterlife.
The move comes after the West Midlands Counterterrorism Unit controversially maintained that “a bunch of Millwall fans raucously belittling Allah outside a Halal butcher’s to the tune of a 1970s novelty chart hit while smashing said butcher’s windows might conceivably radicalise some passing Muslims.”
Even more controversially, policing minister Nick Herbert, in a veiled criticism of the EDL, stated: “Fire plus fire equals more fire, not less fire. Didn’t they teach you maths at school, you bonehead chav scumbags?”
“To be fair, the Bill and the Minister have got a point,” conceded EDL spokesperson Wayne Kerr. “So next Saturday we shall be pulling the recruitment rug from under the jihadists’ feet by enthusiastically brown-nosing them with a smorgasbord of Muslim-friendly chants.”
Kerr went on to reveal the EDL’s Preston set list, including ‘Abu Hamza - What a Nice Man, What a Nice Man’ (to the tune of Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus), and ‘Stand Up! If You Don’t In Any Way, Shape Or Form Find Certain Verses Of The Koran Problematic Vis-a-Vis Womens’ Rights And The Treatment Of Apostates And Infidels’ (to the tune of The Village People’s ‘Go West’).
“That should shut the Talebannies right up,” said Kerr. “Isn’t reverse psychology fabulous?”
Lancashire Constabulary have welcomed the EDL’s change of tack, but stressed that they would still be maintaining a heavy police presence on the day as they are expecting a counterdemonstration by United Against Reverse Psychology.