Authorities fear the streets will be littered with Burberry clad limbs and bunting if FIFA announce England will host the 2018 World Cup so soon after Prince William has revealed he and Kate Middleton will marry. David Cameron and the Royal family are in emergency talks with Sepp Blatter to persuade him to postpone any announcements until the coalition government wants to introduce further cuts to public services and benefits.
'Fucking Royals!' remarked 2018 Advisory Board Head Karen Brady 'no sense of bloody timing. A successful bid from us would secure the government with not only a week or so of screwing over the poor and burying bad news, but the chance to do it all over again for a whole month in 2018. Instead the nation's become obsessed about whether they get a bank holiday or not.'
Government sources have played down the potential for spontaneous combustion, pointing out that the demographic most at risk are elderly ladies, however, most are now preoccupied with making commemorative doilies and have very little interest in football.