Fears that a meteor shower is wiping out earth or alien invasion proved groundless today, as the cause of a total news black out and blanket of broadcasting blandness turned out to be a royal wedding.
Many Britons had taken the suspension of journalism as proof that the world was about to end, and had begun to panic accordingly.
'When I saw all that bland royalty rubbish on TV, which appeared to be a screen to disguise the awful truth that we all faced, I feared the worst,' said Philip Barry, from Wallington Surrey. 'They'd only black out the news if something horrendous was about to happen, like a nuclear war or Tsunami.'
Barry confesses he was just about to go on a looting and revenge killing spree, when the lady next door, noticing his machine gun, told him it was a genuine case of the broadcasters suspending all rational judgement in the wake of a royal wedding.
Barry, who'd saved a samurai sword for a case of apocalypse driven societal breakdown, was furious that he couldn't find the ceremonial dagger. @I can see the funny side now, but I was going mental,' he said.
He'd planned to lob off the head of the man in the petrol station who'd once denied short-changing him, but he'd had to abandon the search due to time constraints. 'That's a lesson learned. If there is a three minute warning in future, I'll be much better prepared,' said the health and safety advisor.
The BBC has apologised to viewers for giving the impression of imminent holocaust. 'This was a BBC bread and circuses initiative, and nothing to do with BBC Armageddon Broadcasting, which is another department entirely. I'm afraid our wires have been crossed.'
Many viewers, convinced that their lives were going to be terminated early, phoned the BBC switchboard and demanded a refund on their license fee.
MUST TIDY UP.....