Paris Hilton has become the latest celebrity to be awarded an honourary degree. After a short spell in prison she's been granted the honour by a publicity hungry press officer from the University Of Life. 'We saw other universities pulling this shit and we thought, why not?' said publicity manager Brian Cant.
Cant refuted the idea that honourary degrees are worthless and futile. 'The newspapers get a headline and a nice picture on a quite day, and I get some publicity for the university,' said Cant. 'Don't ask me what students or alumni think, because I really don't give a toss. Alright? Unless you wanna make summink of it. Well do ya? Think you're facking tasty do you mate? eh?'
Paris Hilton said she was honoured and humbled by the experience of gaining a degree and some free publicity.
'When I think about all the charity work I'm forced to do, and the poor and disadvantaged people I am often asked to befriend, it makes me appreciate all these effortless freebies all the more,' said Paris, 'it's very humbling.'