My first topic! I hope I've burst my article-virginity in a good way, and I won't look back on it with a mixture of shame and horror.
Xbox Kinect ‘Runs on Blood of Virgins’
Steve Ballmer, the head of Microsoft, is facing calls to resign as it emerged that Xbox 360’s ‘Kinect’ runs on witchcraft and the blood of virgins. Suspicions were raised when the device, released last week, proved easily more responsive than both Sony’s ‘Move’ and Nintendo’s ‘Wii’, and were proved correct during a bizarre press conference in which Microsoft employees chanted the Lord’s Prayer backwards and sacrificed several small children.
A high-ranking Nintendo official said, ‘obviously, we realised straight away what we were dealing with: a motion sensing device which doesn't need to be endlessly recalibrated, and actually works quite well, is clearly the product of satanic forces. It’s a pity we didn’t think of it ourselves, really'.