Scotland’s foremost freedom fighter, Sir Sean Connery, has been released from house arrest in the Bahamas from where he has been campaigning for Scottish Independence for the past few decades.
The former milkman and second-best ever James Bond has been living in tax exile, but has continued to valiantly fight for Scotland’s right to separate from the English junta, formerly led by General Brown before General Cameron’s coup d’etat in May.
Addressing reporters at an impromptu press conference from his private golf course on Winding Bay, Connery said: ‘If you have tried everything else – and woman are pretty good at this, they can’t leave it alone – then you give them the last word. But they’re not happy with the last word, they want to say it again. Then you give them a slap.’
The former Royal Navy sailor, bricklayer, lifeguard, coffin polisher and Mr Universe (1950, 3rd Place) has recently applied for political asylum in Monaco. Sources say that Sir Sean is planning to raise an army in the Principality before landing off the north coast of Scotland on the island of Eriskay from where The Highlander and Tarzan’s Greatest Adventure star will take the A96 to Culloden, recently slated by motorists as ‘Scotland’s second most unpopular road.’