Daily Mail publisher Associated Press is to launch a weekly hard core, under-the-counter, concentrated bile supplement to satisfy its most loyal readers - indignant liberals addicted to being disgusted with a middle market tabloid newspaper.
Market analysts discovered that Dudgeon is the drug of the middle class lefty. It's so powerful that it forces many liberal minded people to buy a newspaper they despise, and read all the articles that they know are going to make them feel nauseous.
"Give a liberal a bit of indignation and in minutes they'll be hopelessly high on dudgeon," said an evil newspaper peddlar. "They can't get enough of it. and it's making me very rich," he crowed.
Dudgeon - which doesn't have any street names - is thought to work by dominating the rational thought processes of the brain, pushing all other thoughts out of the mind. Within seconds, the victim (or reader, as the dealers call them) is unable to think of anything else and becomes completely incapacitated. "Show a lefty an unpleasant headline in the Daily Mail and they'll instantly lose all sense of porportion and imagine the end of the world is nigh," said an insider. "The mere mention of the Daily Mail makes them create their own suffocating atmosphere of fear."
MORE LATER, WHEN I'VE WORKED OUT HOW TO WRITE A SATRIICAL STORY WITHOUT SOMEONE THINKING I'M A FASCIST