Colin Montgomerie was rushed to Aberdeen hospital last night with lacerations to throat and chest. Doctors report that he is stable and they hope to see him make a speedy recovery.
His housekeeper, Mary Biggens, was herself treated for minor scratches and was able to reveal to reporters that, as she brought the winning Team Captain his night-time hot chocolate, she witnessed the cup jump from the mantelpiece, transform into a golden autobot and savagely attack the Scotsman as it chattered in a strange alien tongue and jabbed Montgomerie around the head and neck with sharpened claws and razored protuberances. Biggens managed to beat the deceptecon off with a broom but was unable to stop it leaping through a top floor window along with an angry toaster and vengeful hairdryer.
Typically, possession of the cup is rotated on a three monthly basis between team players and police are currently trying to trace the whereabouts of the last two holders, Ian Poulter and Rory McIlroy. Their families are increasingly concerned that they have not been able to contact the Englishman and Irishman. In the last few hours, Police have also announced that they wish to speak to the driver of a large red and silver juggernaut that was seen outside the players' houses on the night of their disappearances. Golf officials also want to speak to the losing American Team and their physiotherapist, Chip Megatron Jnr.