Norway is shortly to open a chain of dinner theatre restaurants inspired by Black Metal, the ear-scraping sub-music genre which is the small, inexplicably arrogant Nordic country's most important cultural export.
Restaurants in the Dark Medieval Times chain will feature a set menu of cod paste, lutefisk, and human blood, followed by a performance of staged black-metal-themed games, such as sacrificing a farm animals, church burning, and secretly masturbating over pictures of girls who will never have sex with you.
Norwegian entrepreneur Sigurd Wongraven claims he first got the idea after wandering into a free gig by the black metal band Mayhem.
"Ja, mein countryman vas on ze stage holding a severed pig's head and licking it and occasionally tossing pieces of brain into ze audience. I expected zem to protest, but zey only applauded and asked him to do zis more times. It vas at zis moment zat I realised I could be charging money for zis."
Wongraven then approached an Iceland bank for a start-up loan. "Ze rest is history", says Wongraven.
May I take your order?
After consuming the varieties of cold boiled-fish paste, guests will then watch aspiring black metal "musicians" in full make-up or "corpse paint" perform a series standard black metal stage antics.
"It is mein job to play the one chord on the guitar many times and very quickly, so that it sounds like a shower on full blast" says Tomas Thormodsaeter, also know as 'Samoth'. "Then I breath fire and scream at the top of my lungs until everyone's ears begin the bleeding".
To add to the authenticity of the experience, each night a member of the audience will stabbed 23 times with a Swiss Army Knife by Varg Vikernes of the band Burzum, newly released from prison.