Michael Gove was positively bouncing with excitement today after an announcement by the Department of Education stated that they wish to take full control of state school funding in England and more in importantly for Gove all dealings with the school tuck shops.
'It's going to be just like third year again' said the geeky youthful Education Secretary ' it will take me right back to the days when I looked after the petty cash for the school tuck shop where I used to keep a tight ship even I did help myself to the odd penny chew or sherbert dip while no one was looking' said Gove through a cheeky childlike grin.
Gove continued to wax lyrical about his successful stint as junior school tuck shop treasurer for his former primary school by saying ' I can hardly wait for the return of those days when fatty Biggs used to come into the shop and buy everything he could get his chubby little fingers on and Stinker Jones feeding his monster munch fetish. Jones used to threaten me with a ducking in the boys toilet if I didn't give him a free bag but I told Mr Baxter and he said that if he said nasty things like that again then he would ban Jones from the tuck shop and he couldn't have anymore monster munch, so there'
When questioned on the more serious matter of funding being taken away from the local authorities and their ability to spend the money more wisely knowing specific requirements of indivuidual schools, Gove replied while holding his hands up and shaking them in frustration ' oh don't spoil it by going all political on me' he snapped 'I want my tuck shop job back and i'm not going to let anybody else do it and if I had a ball with me i'd be taking it away'.
Gove refused to answer anymore questions due to going into a deep sulk. A further attempt to ask him for more specific details relating to how much money would be allocated to invidual authorites he simply pulled down his shorts and bared his backside towards the assembled press and ran off shouting 'mummy mummy mummy'.