In this age of austerity, the Irish Government has come up with a plan to shore up any short-fall in their defence budget by considering swapping Bono for an aircraft carrier.
Some defence experts believe that swapping Bono is more likely to jeopardise national security than enhance it. Gerry Ryan from the Institute of Strategic Thinking said that, ‘once our enemies find out that Bono isn’t around to inflict his excruciating singing on them at a moments notice, this could leave us very vulnerable to some form of amphibious invasion’. He continued, ‘for years we have had a zero-sum state of mutual annihilation with the UK. They have invested heavily in upgrading and maintaining Elton John as an alternative to Trident and once they find out our plans, I know I for one will be stocking up on water and tinned goods’.
On the open market of public sector deals, it is felt that guitarist The Edge could be swapped for at least three dialysis machines. Drummer, Larry Mullan, for a week’s supply of bitumen. Bassist, Adam Clayton, is likely to be marked as ‘sight as seen’ and can be taken for free from vendor if the person buying can pick him up in their own transport. The Government last week also announced they are prepared to exchange the Corr sisters for tanks and Enya for any form of mobile infantry.