A man in Ludlow has today brought his plight to the attention of the wider community. Four months ago, Peter Carmichael killed his father with a savage axe blow to the head. After a number of weeks, he noticed that there was a strange odour around the house and quickly surmised that he should dispose of his remains in the most eco-friendly manner possible. Carmichael was stunned to receive a letter from the local council a few days ago, stating that he had breached their rules for responsible rubbish sorting.
The letter from a local jobsworth stated that ‘when sorting rubbish in the future, please be aware of our restrictions on placing biodegradables in the ‘black’ general debris bin in preference to the ‘brown/green’ one for cardboard or garden cuttings...you may also wish to know that if you wish to remove clothes from the deceased before sorting, these can be deposited at the municipal site or with any willing charity shop’.
‘Frankly, I’m disgusted’, said a distraught Carmichael. ‘I pay my rates like anyone else round here and you have to ask yourself why my father fought in the Second World War for people like this!”.