Former Cuban dictator Fidel Castro is helping the Queen with the preparation of tnis year's Christmas Day Message according to a leaked memo from the BBC.
'Her Majesty has long been frustrated with the short time allocated for the Royal Message,' the leaked document says, 'and has sought the advice of Mr Castro on the preparation of a longer speech. This year it is expected to last between ten and fifteen hours.'
On the Cuban leader's advice, the content of the message is believed to include a denunciation of American imperialism, a Marxist - Leninist analysis of the coalition government's policies, a call for international proletarian revolution and new photographs of the Queen's new corgis, Che and Raul.
BBC programmers have expressed concern that the length of the speech will push the traditional Christmas Day Morecambe and Wise repeats into the early hours of Boxing Day but the Queen is said to have dismissed the complaint as 'reactionary petty-bourgeois revisionism'.
In a break with tradition, the Queen drops her 'My husband and I' for 'Comrade Philip' and says that Prince Charles should be sent to Havana for re-education. She also announces that Prince Harry will see military service in Bolivia.
It has not yet been decided if the Queen will wear a large beard, smoke an Havana cigar and wear military uniform during the broadcast.