The BBC confirmed tonight that its interview with an analyst reporting from The City lunchtime Tuesday was cut short due ‘technical problems with the presentation.’ ‘If they come on here for five minutes of ego,’ said a BBC business news editor, ‘we expect a little more than glib phrases like ‘a little pessimism in the global markets today’. Bright red braces for a start.’
Twenty-two-year-old Redmayne Bentley associate Dean Winslow defended himself. ‘Braces aren’t a fashion accessory,’ he said, ‘they’re for older men, to help keep their trousers up.’ But the BBC insisted it has standards of expectation to maintain. ‘Viewers who tune in over lunch for the markets need to see the right trademarks in our guest speakers. The boy had no ‘work hard play hard’ puffiness around his eyes or any hint of gruff cockney giving his voice an ‘edge’. There was simply nothing at all to suggest he had just dashed in to work after a night in his girlfriend’s flat. Not even hair gel.’
The transmission was cut off as Winslow was commenting that shares were suddenly plummeting in the Philips Facial Grooming Group. Fortunately for investors in the high-end shaver market, the company’s position recovered, with the blip being dismissed as a ‘very short term, real time reaction’ to a City Boy not wearing designer stubble on TV. ‘Kinda vindicates the BBC, doesn’t it?’ commented one observer, sporting hugely exaggerated braces and an oversized polka dot bowtie; ‘now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got work to do in the Big Top.’