Veteran singer-songwriter Leonard Cohen has released what may be his last album before his voice finally drops deeper than the lowest frequency audible to humans, medical experts have warned.
A new study of the album’s title track They’ve booked me in at Dignitas has revealed new insight into the gravelly crooner’s throat and lung condition, resulting from his lifelong passion for nicotine. ‘It’s like he’s singing from inside a black hole,’ said Dr Lichtenstein, unplugging his stethoscope.
The medics found that by playing the track at many times the normal speed, they were able to bring his voice up several octaves and into the range of human hearing. ‘Even at that speed,’ said the doctor, ‘he makes Darth Vader sound like a chipmunk on helium.’
The study has given doctors a deeper understanding of Mr Cohen’s desires, especially the verse:
The nurse, she is an angel, pretty as a flower,
And yes, this is a nice way to spend my final hour,
But when I asked for ‘Senior Service’ before I walk the plank,
I meant I want a cigarette, not a fucking wank.
Cohen himself added a comment which might have made a cracking punchline. However, nobody could hear what he said.