Robert Smith, frontman of gothic music group The Cure is hollow, according to a new biography by pop journalist Brian Jennings.
The years of applying smudged crimson lipstick and cans of hairspray, together with a reluctance to wash his clothes have meant that the whiny-voiced singer’s head and body are now completely detachable and able to move around on their own.
Smith, also known as ‘Fat Bob’ has exclusively revealed that since the Cure’s 2002 tour he has been at home in Maida Vale with his wife, while his hair, lips and clothes have been going round the world signing autographs and singing hits like ‘Love Cats’ and In-Between Days’ in front of millions.
Looking thin and sporting a crew-cut, he seemed quite unfazed by the fact that his outer shell had taken on a life of its own.
“There’s only so many times you can actually look forward to screaming about rain and drugs on stage”, he admits. “In fact, I’m quite partial to a slice of battenburg and a cup of Earl Grey. Very few fans know that the entirety of our album ‘Wish’ was written under the influence of marmite.”
Fans have taken to standing guard around the empty Smith, in case an over-enthusiastic embrace were to result in an over-expansion of the frontman’s fragile and empty head. “We see this hollow man as the physical embodiment of the emotional emptiness inside Smith” said Lucy Cray, a Cure fan since 1982. "He is able to incorporate his fans' pathetic projections of themselves into his physical being, without anyone being arrested or going mad. Plus he's really cute, if you hold your nose when you get close."