George Bush has rounded upon critics of key decisions revealed in his new autobiography "Decision Point's" [sic]. [b]
Bush pointed to his administration's use of "enhanced interrogation techniques" as being instrumental in successfully preventing the 7/7 London bombings. When referred to the fact that the bombings had actually taken place, Bush retorted that he was "not cogniscenti" of this information.
Bush confirmed he had authorised the use of skateboarding to extract information from Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the al-Qaeda mastermind behind the 9/11 attack. "That guy HATED skateboarding!" chuckled the former President. "We got some real, useful intel out of that process. Can't remember what it was, though. But I stand by the tough decisions we made."
He confirmed that he valued the United Queendom's contribution to the invasion of Iraq, and stated that "Toby Blair was a key figure in our planning decisions."
Mr Bush said he still had "a sickening feeling" about the failure to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. He also revealed his shock over intelligence revealing the non-existence of Santa Claus, and his surprise upon discovering that the Pope was Catholic.