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Essential training module questions for Vaccinators

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Started 1 month ago by Ironduke
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COOPERATIVE TOPIC: Explanation about what it means

Ironduke

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1. What should you do if you hear a continuously sounding fire alarm?
A) evacuate the building immediately
B) stay put, it will probably be a test
C) fetch marshmallows, stat.
D) Archie Gemmill in the 1978 World Cup Finals

What sort of phrases might make you suspect Gwen Norris, 83, from Bridgend is at risk of Islamist radicalisation? Tick two or more answers.
A) Can I keep my cardi on, it's chilly in this tent.
B) I'm glad it's you. I've nothing against them, but I didn't want him.
C) Kuffar Infidel! Martyrdom is my destiny.
D) Ooooh, you remind me of that Imran Khan and his cheekbones.

Posted 1 month ago #
FlashArry

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Your patient's cleanliness regime has suffered as a result of lockdown. What is the acceptable distance to maintain whilst administering the vaccine ?

A) Arms-length
B) Broom-handle
C) World Darts Federation standard oche
D) Bargepole

Posted 1 month ago #
FlashArry

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Anti-vax protestors occupy your vaccination centre. Do you :

A) Attempt to defuse the situation in a calm voice, using logical argument and reason,
B) Joyously start laying out the covidiot numpties with whatever heavy object comes to hand,
C) Slink off, and later claim you were "injured" when the protestors broke in,
D) Tut under your breath and do nothing, whilst secretly wishing you were the nutter happily twatting people with a table leg

Posted 1 month ago #
Max Stars

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What should you do if a patient wants a reward for having their jab?

a) Give them a sticker that says 'I've feel fab, I've had the jab'

b) Give them a certificate that says 'Job Done - Jabtastic!'

c) Promise to give them a clap every Thursday

d) Give them the cold shoulder

Posted 1 month ago #
Titus

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'Arry:

Anti-vax protestors occupy your vaccination centre. Do you :

I would dearly love 'B)' provided I could find a suitably heavy blunt object which was more than 2 metres long. Shamefully, however, being a wuss, I'd probably be yet anther 'D)'.

Posted 1 month ago #
SteveB

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The Premier of Greece drops in, pops his shirt off and gets his hairy pecs out. Should you:
A) Get on with the jab like it's nothing
B) Let the press get a few snaps
C) Crack a joke about feeling a nip
D) Lisa Stansfield
----

C) World Darts Federation standard oche

- Still laughing while I was adding these, FlashArry.

Posted 1 month ago #
Ironduke

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Your next elderly lady patient looks like they might be...you know...big shoes, heavy make-up, hint of an Adams apple, but a bit camp and a flat-cap perched on a purple rinsed perm. When inviting through for a jab, are the correct pronouns:
A) She/Shay
B) Sherm -ahem -awkward cough
C) What awful weather we've been having, did you take the B3267, or is that still blocked?
D) Your Royal Highness

Posted 1 month ago #
Max Stars

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A would be patient offers you £50 to queue jump. Would you:

a) Report this to your supervisor

b) Report them to social media for public shaming

c) Refer them to your hard up colleagues as you are incorruptible

d) Respond with '£50 will only get you one jab and it will be £100 for the second one'

Posted 1 month ago #
FlashArry

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At the end of a busy vaccination session, there are 16 people waiting for a shot, but only 12 doses of vaccine left. How do allocate the vaccine ?

A) Alphabetically. Messrs. Unman, Wittering and Zigo will have to take their chances.
B) In order of attractiveness. Tough luck on munters, but hey.
C) Organise an impromptu raffle, or draw straws
D) British Bulldog [Full-contact variant]

Posted 1 month ago #
Ironduke

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Your next patient for vaccination is called Marcel, talks a bit funny and smells of garlic. You suspect a Frenchness is trying to inveigle his way into the stocks of good, honest yeomanlike British vaccines. Do you:
A) Flick him a V sign and tell him to Agincourt off.
B) Ask him to name the standard fielding positions for a leg-spinner
C) Tell him how much you adore the Dordogne, and how sorry you are about this Brexit business
D) Kiss him passionately, with tongues

Posted 1 month ago #
FlashArry

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Your next patient has questions about the vaccine trials. Do you tell them :

A) it has been proven over 90% effective,
B) it has always been elective,
C) it is mostly powdered digestive,
D) nothing, but inject them with the placebo control dose

Posted 1 month ago #
FlashArry

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A prominent local politician wants to use their vaccination as a photo opportunity. Do you :

A) Agree and spend 10 minutes grinning like an idiot whilst every camera angle is explored
B) Agree, but insist the injection has to be in the backside
C) Refuse to co-operate until your appearance fee is agreed
D) Hand them the syringe whilst quipping about them "knowing how to shoot up"

Posted 1 month ago #
Max Stars

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A patient claims they don't need the vaccine as they've read all the Marvel Super Hero comics and have superpower immunity. Do you:

a) Throw a Captain America shield at them and tie them up with a Wonder Woman lasso to forcibly inoculate them anyway

b) Demand that they remove their Ironman costume so you can administer the jab

c) Ask to join in their next cosplay event

d) Say you've never heard of Marvel as you're a DC fan

Posted 1 month ago #
FlashArry

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When you have completed this course, will you consider yourself :

A) a competently trained auxiliary supporting our much overloaded NHS staff in times of crisis,
B) better than a nurse,
C) as good as any doctor,
D) a Vaccine God ! Tremble, mortals, before my awesome power over life and death ! Mwaah-hah-hah !

Posted 1 month ago #
Ironduke

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Veterinary Surgeon, vaccinator conversion course:

Which of the following should you bring with you for your first vaccinating session? (TIck all that apply)

A) Muzzle
B) Collar and Lead
C) Cattle prod
D) Thermometer, just to check...

Posted 1 month ago #
Al OPecia

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Isn't this last one a direct rip-off from S&M 101?

Posted 1 month ago #
FlashArry

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A) Muzzle
B) Collar and Lead
C) Cattle prod
D) Thermometer, just to check..

That's one hell of a hazing kit ...

Posted 1 month ago #
Ironduke

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Fresher's week was certainly an eye-opener

Posted 1 month ago #

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