In a stunningly accomplished and elegant pirouette, the nation's students have maintained a perfectly uninterrupted stream of entitled moaning whilst reversing the polarity of the subject completely.
John Torvil and Carla Dean, two sixth form students from Nottingham, executed a combination triple moan reversal sequence that drew stunned gasps from watching family members. "First, it was sitting exams that was ruining their lives, that segued smoothly into being denied sitting exams and accepting a coursework grade, because all the teachers hate them; around the back turn they're revolting against not being denied an exam resit that would be too stressful for their anxiety anyway, so they'd need extra time to not sit it. The routine culminated in a perfectly executed flounce and door slam, to the sound of rattling crockery throughout the house.
Whilst masterfully obstroperous expertise like this takes between 13 and 17 years to fully develop, many younger children are taking up the baton too. Early get off/on the sofa, start/stop playing computer games and get inside/outside jitterbug whinging routines are popular, with a 'didn't ask to be born' closer.
All ages come together with the common crowd pleaser, you have to go to school/But I'm sick strip flipping to the You can't go to school in case you get sick/But I wanna BratDance.
Older students have an extra piquant of financial sting to their gotta go/can't go/stay home/go to lectures/ no exams/want exams turmoil. Diane Bussell, a drama student from Cardiff was in such a daze she found herself at 9am on Monday morning moaning that she had no lecture to go to, with a protest placard so full of crossings out and rewrites it was illegible.
Schools minister (yes, still!) Gavin Hamilton was asked his thoughts on the rapid succession of unacknowledged U-Turns and would only say that our younger generation are 'truly inspirational'.
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Students display graceful moaning volte face with triple sulko
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