All UK roads will be offered a first dose of grit by September, claims government snowman, Grant Shapps. Speaking to a neighbour at his local petrol station, the Transport Secretary said: "Our target is by September to have offered every road a first dose of grit, if we can do it before that great but that's the roadmap. And it’s a roadmap full of squiggly lines that go everywhere."
Mr Shapps also indicated that he hoped some restrictions on traffic flow could begin to be lifted by early spring so the country can eventually, "get back to the normal pre-pandemic levels of traffic congestion. We’re targeting the nation’s oldest and most vulnerable b-roads first, irrespective of whether they lead to a party donor’s country estate, or not.”
Critics point out the absurdity of the minister claiming every road will be offered grit by September, given the catastrophic failure of his department’s app costing £1.2bn, which when informed of treacherous driving conditions would alert adjacent roads to close immediately. But was unfortunately built around the EU Galileo GPS system to which Brexit Britain no longer has access to. So can’t.
Despite the majority of grit being distributed during the summer months due to the DfT only acquiring gritting vehicles powered entirely by solar energy, the department’s jubilation in treating more than 4 million millimetres of road in the UK with a first dose of grit is obvious. But, so too is the sense of abject failure, after the vehicle named ‘Griti Patel’ delivered 400,000 doses of grit, but forgot where.
