Republican party chiefs have announced that the party is to break up and will no longer contest elections. This, said Senate majority leader John Boehner, is because the US electorate has now proven itself so stupid that it will never understand that the last 40 years of Republican policies have been an elaborate practical joke.
'It's not like we were subtle about it,' Boehner said. 'We thought in a country like this we had no chance against an ordained minister like Jimmy Carter in 1980, so we set up Ronald Reagan, a twice-divorced Hollywood actor with the brains of a radiator as the Christian candidate against him. And he won. Twice. Holy fucking crap, how did we get away with it?'
Following mixed success with relatively colourless candidates in the 1990s, Republican chiefs went all-out for laughs by putting forward George W. Bush, an educationally sub-normal alcoholic draft dodger, as the candidate for born again evangelicals.
'We were laughing our asses off on election night in 2000,' said Boehner. 'When he won by a blatant fraud in the state run by his brother and elected officials said he hadn't been elected president but appointed by God, I thought, OK, they're bound to get it now. But nope, he did it again four years on. George W. Bush. George W. Freekin' Bush! What is WRONG with you people?'
However, in view of the recent mid-term elections, in which the palpably unhinged Sarah Palin and the Tea Party managed to score big gains by blaming the economic downturn caused by the Bush administration on a new president because he isn't white and has a strange-sounding name, Boehner has conceded that the joke has turned sour.
'The Founding Fathers warned about the perils of democracy and now we can see why,' he told reporters. 'Americans are just too dumb to be trusted with pencils every other year. We're outta here and I don't care if that does mean six more years of Obama. That's not so very long in the scheme of things, I mean the Earth is nearly 6,000 years old. Ain't it?'