Trump invoices Iran for US war costs
President Trump has demanded five billion dollars from Iran 'on account', until the war is over and the final bill can be calculated. A White House official explained. 'Iran has forced the US to incur massive costs in staff, expenses and munitions. All of these costs could have been avoided if Iran had just surrendered unconditionally at the outset. So it's only fair and reasonable that Iran should reimburse all our costs. We can take cash, or oil. Or we could take payment in
Starmer to deploy very strict regulations to the Middle East
"I regret to say that HMS Puff the Magic Dragon is not yet ready to sail to the Eastern Mediterranean,' Sir Keir Starmer told the nation in a prime ministerial broadcast, 'preferring to live by the sea in a land called Honah Lee - otherwise known as Portsmouth. 'So instead, we will be sending to the war zone a set of very strict rules and regulations. 'In the event of the Islamic Revolution Guard Corps launching missiles on RAF Akrotiri in Cyprus or the Mall of the Emirates i
Starmer makes a dis statement outside Number 10
The UK Prime Minister, wearing some clip-on sunglasses fixed over his spectacles, read out a carefully crafted dis. “'n response to The Notorious DJTs recent comments about us not helping them with an illegal war, I will quote what he said recently about our troops in Afghanistan, we’d only just end up staying a little back, a little off the front lines, so why should we bother? Remember, we’re not dealing with a Roosevelt here.' He carefully placed the mic on the floor and s
Trump explains why he picked on Iran
'I chose to bomb Iran, rather than anywhere else on the planet, since its name strikes a real chord with me,' Trump told the drone fleet in the White House press corps. 'That's because I ran away from military service in Vietnam, and I ran away from my creditors in Atlantic City. 'Also, I ran away from the Epstein investigation by gratuitously starting this war. 'The next place I'll be bombing is Havana. 'That's because I've been Havana great time throwing my weight about as
USA explains the "special" in special relationship means retarded
A four-star General explained: 'We are very mindful of using inclusive language and avoiding harmful labelling. In no way do we want undermine or devalue an individual on the basis of physical impairment, but we can all agree the British are f$*king mental.' The backwards manner in which the UK follows America into one illegal war after another, is a clear sign that the lights on but no one is home. Sending British troops to their death just to get a tickle under the chin by
UK to unleash its top drone in Iran conflict
"In times of war, this is the most effective weapon at Britain's disposal," said a Ministry of Defence spokes-ammunition dump. 'It can throw cold water on any conflict and overwhelm every aggressor out there with feelings of stultifying weariness and lethargy. 'Developed out of the dessicated remnants of a crashingly boring lawyer, we have codenamed our drone the Keir Starmer. 'It can drone for hours on end in the Commons without getting tired of itself, invoking this or that
US asks Ukraine for missiles
As the US is burning through its missile stock, with more cruise missiles fired on Iran in three days than supplied to Ukraine in four years, the US has found that specialist weapons can't be generated overnight. 'We've been supplying Ukraine with missiles and now they are building their own. They must have loads now,' said a Pentagon official, 'unless they've been using them,' he added, admitting he 'only reads US news, mainly the sports pages'. Apparently Europe and the UK
Starmer shows Trump how Churchillian he is
Rattled by Donald Trump's jibe that he is "no Churchill", Starmer appeared in the Commons wearing a bowler hat and bowtie and smoking a large cigar. "We will fight them on the beaches!" growled Sir Keir from the despatch box. 'Subject to the restrictions on military activity in Section 46 of the Coastal Amenities Act, 1972,' he added, inadvertently returning to his default setting of pettifogging, rules-bound lawyer. Going back to bulldog Churchill mode, he barked out: 'Some
USA shows restraint by bombing rather than eating schoolgirl
The latest Gulf War is all about a growth mindset and controlling our Epstein urges. Said a psychologist: 'I'm really proud of the valuable work the US has done, an illegal war of agression is such a step forward from satanic pizza parties.' One US General boasted: 'Current casualities are ratio of 1 soldier to every 50 girls. We're clearly winning the war on schoolgirls. If we knuckle down Iran will run out of kids, long before we run out of cannon fodder.' President Trump w
US resort to shooting down their own planes
In the absence of RAF planes operating in the region, the US have resorted to shooting their own planes down. 'As a matter of principle we prefer to shoot down Allied aircraft, but with only Israel taking part it's difficult. We wouldn't dare shooting down one of Bibi's,' said a US spokesman. 'We're hopeful the UK will join us soon, as we're running out of our own planes to down,' he added.
