NewsBiscuit : WOTM competition December 2020

Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten

WOTM competition December 2020

(21 posts) (10 voices)

Started 3 months ago by throngsman
Latest reply from SteveB

Tags:

No tags yet.

throngsman

offline
Member

Wren's in the lead mid month, followed by A.Mantra closely. All links to FPS, NiBs and LAs are. as usual on the blog.

Posted 3 months ago #
Doctor Chutney

offline
Member

Ah, observe the Wren in full flight. How splendid.
Haven't had as much time this month to contribute so happy to be on the spreadsheet.
Thanks to the man of throngs for his stirling efforts.

Posted 3 months ago #
Sir Lupus

offline
Member

You're just not trying because of the Wren rule, Doc. We can tell. Only, er, four stories and a ticker in two weeks...

Strong return to regular subbing from Mantra.

Posted 3 months ago #
Wrenfoe

offline
Member

Mine is but a brief light, that will soon be extinguished. The hard cash is on A.Mantra, who will pull into the lead this week.

Posted 3 months ago #
oshaughnessy

offline
Member

Grats Wren. Rubbish contribution this month from YT due to shit house move. Will endeavour to master typing perched on a mountain of fucking cardboard and forgotten photo albums of hideous Aunt Norris.

Posted 3 months ago #
SteveB

offline
Member

There was a string of hat-tips in the '...Tier Pressure' Left Alert by Maxine Jones:

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2020/12/04/while-many-have-rebelled-the-following-people-have-bowed-to-tier-pressure/

Hat Tips: Alopecia, Sinnick, Camz, ChrisF, Doctor Chutney, Steve B, Oxbridge, O’Shaughnessy

Oshaughnessy can kiss my hairy Scotch eggs for Christmas if I've just helped him pluck 4 points out of nowhere.

Posted 3 months ago #
oshaughnessy

offline
Member

Cheers Steve B. I suspect it will be closer to a single solitary hat-tip but welcome all the same and will elevate me to a mighty 279th place in the monthly chart. Huzzah!

Posted 3 months ago #
throngsman

offline
Member

SteveB - thanks for the heads up, hat tips added. I'll try to shape up

Posted 3 months ago #
SteveB

offline
Member

Thank you, Throngs. Given how much trawling you have to do to pick up the tallies and associate them with us multitudes, you've no idea how much I grimaced to be the source of extra checking for you. Cheers for all you do, Sir.

Posted 3 months ago #
throngsman

offline
Member

A.Mantra tops the chart this month with a superb selection of subs. Dom comes in second place, followed by Wren who knocks Titus down to fourth, but only just. As usual all the links to the published FPs, NiBs and LAs can be found on the blog and the ticker list is to be found under the leader board.

All that is left is for me to crunch the Writer of the Year numbers...

Adrian Bamforth

Rudy Giuliani rushed to Saint Barnibas Total Landscaping Centre. More soon
‘We really don’t mind either way’, say fish. More soon.
Most Queen’s Christmas message viewers thought they were watching The Crown

Al Opecia

‘Major incident’ declared as covid threatens to overwhelm conspiracy theories. More soon
Brexiteers in tears to discover Boris Johnson doesn’t really exist
Johnson travels to Brussels to receive jab in eye. More soon.
Large families will gather at Christmas to enjoy a substantial business meal.
Residents of Dresden ‘starting to get nervous’. More soon.
UK has stockpile of loose stable doors and untamed horses ready for brexit

antharrison

UK vows to ‘go the extra furlong”, EU vows to ‘go the extra kilometre’. More later.

apepper

Hancock sheds tear of pride as covid variant named after England. More soon
Rees-Mogg says government should go the extra 3520 cubits. More later.
Trump to receive vaccine as hypodermic the length of barge pole developed. More later.

bookiesfriend

Kay Burley has sadness in her eyes says French dog. More soon.

Chrisf

People missing out on Oxford vaccine to get Durham vaccine through clearing. More soon

Deskpilot3

Govt says free Zoom for everyone will be much cheaper than HS2. More later.
Top Shop still unable to shift Christmas tat – even at 90% off
Unforeseen problems with oven frustrate oven ready brexit deal

Doctor Chutney

Blake’s heaven
New strain of coronavirus identified as speck of dust on microscope. More later.
Washed up leviathan identified as Sir Philip Green

Dominic_mcg

1500 onion sellers on bicycles, wearing stripy sweaters stuck in Calais
Boris will continue to talk pollocks. More soon.
Country celebrates as tier 3 lockdown prevents Mrs Brown from seeing her boys. More later.
Eden Project closes after snake tricks woman into eating an apple. More soon
Hancock denies new vaccine is very nearly an armful. More soon
Johnson concedes his brexit trade deal is mainly concerned with sprouts
Johnson’s Australian style boomerang deal comes back and hits him in the face
Kids: don’t get them wet or feed them after midnight, says Chief Medical Officer
Mcdonalds drive thru to offer covid tests. Do you want a BCG with that? More later.
Medical trials of Mrs Brown’s Boys vaccine successful. More soon.
MI6 and soviet spy dies. Or does he? More soon.
New strain of covid created by French fishermen, says Daily Mail. More soon.
New variant of coronavirus unable to enter school premises, assures Hancock. More soon.
Queen’s speech tops TV ratings but the DVD sales are disappointing. More soon.
Starmer self-isolates after one of his aides tests positive for socialism. More soon.
That bloke who goes to work on skis when it snows furious he’s been furloughed. More soon

Gerontius

Death sentence ‘a great deal’ because you spend less time in prison argue Boris. More later.
Govt gives new ‘ration book’ contract to French firm. More later.ts
Queen to spend ‘quiet’ Christmas at home with Philip and 50 servants

Granger

‘A world-beater at last!’ Johnson hails variant virus

Ironduke

‘Stop obsessively harking back to an imagined nostalgic idyll’ remainers told

Jimmy Dodger

Row about standardizing waiters’ gratuities reaches tipping point. More later.

MADJEZ

Government denies using outdated info after putting ‘all of Wessex’ in tier 4
Pompey fans ecstatic at promotion to tier 3. More later.

Max Stars

NHS England warns Pfizer vaccine could lead to a stiff arm. More soon

Micca

Businesses welcome having 7 full days to prepare for brexit

Mick Turate

Future lockdown rules to be published on the side of a bus
Royal Navy apologises for sinking IoW Ferry but blames the French. More later.
Tinker tailor soldier corpse. More later.

Newsbiscuit Editorial Team

Hamilton, O’Sullivan and Fury vie for BBC Sports Twat of the Year

Newsdesk

‘Give covid-19 for Christmas.’.

Newsdesk

999 callers told to phone a friend. More soon
Retailer admits that anything with less than 98% customer satisfaction is shite
World’s first centenarian to receive covid-19 vaccine dies of old age. More soon.

nickb

Makers of Monopoly investigated for monopoly on Monopoly. More soon.

oshaughnessy

Boris’ shorter smaller Christmas threatens thousands of maids a-milking jobs. More later.
Buyer of Top Shop to return it in January. More later
Covid outbreak in manger now stable
Meghan and Harry launch ‘Kate is a total slag’ podcast on Spotify. More later.
Shortage of frankincense and myrrh due to port delays. More later.
Waitrose rations artichoke hearts, cappuccino mousse and provencale ratatouille

Oxbridge

Brexit talks go into extra time, then England lose on penalties. More later.
Monty Python tells tier 1 residents: stop that, it’s Scilly. More soon

Paul L

Travel show ‘wish you were here…?’ to be revived as ‘wish you were tier 2…?’

Rowly

‘My kingdom for a ditch’ pleads Boris
All future fish purchases to be strictly C.O.D.
Covid test centres run out of tracing paper
Johnson blames shortage of “thin air” for absence of excuses

Seymour Totty

John Buchan’s “The 39 Steps” rewritten to allow for wheelchair access

SimoneCleal

Boris breaks tier 4 rules after meeting some of his children for the first time

Sinnick

EU bureaucracy to be replaced by good old-fashioned British bureaucracy
Residents of Deal, Kent concerned about possible no deal. More soon.

Sir Lupus

Man arrested in Norwich pub trying to fence a hedge

Smart Alex

Alpaca fears Llamageddon
Man turning down fish with herbs reckons it’s not the thyme or the plaice. More later.

SteveB

‘No one could have predicted Christmas Day would fall on 25th December,’ says PM
250,000 on roads leaving variant-ridden tier 4 ‘just to test eyesight’
Civil Servants safe, unless Cabinet Ministers figure out how to open doors… more later.
Conjunction of brexit and covid creates coxit
Isolation tank industry in free fall. More later.
New SE-England variant of covid exactly the same, but 4 times more expensive. More later
Rudy Giuliani distances himself from Trump. More soon
Santa makes grate escape
Herod sends 3 wise serial killers with gold, frankincense and myrrhder

theboyinthebubble

Announcement of Jesus’ birth delayed – no zoom at the inn
Virus hits London: ‘oh now it’s serious is it’ says North of England. More later.

Titus

147,273,000 arrested in us as Boston police seek ‘man wearing baseball cap’. More later.
Astronomers predict outbreak of conjunctivitis this evening
Brexit agreement negotiators reminded ‘a dog’s dinner is not just for Christmas’
British childrens’ dismay as no shortage of Christmas sprouts apparent yet
Dyson misses out on business created by new vac scene. More soon
Europeans distraught at prospect of no longer being able to buy NewsBiscuit book. More later.
Fans sue FA claiming that watching footy has caused brain damage
Fly-tippers blamed after Everest now higher ‘by the height of a fridge’. More soon.
Govt. declines to cancel Christmas but urges people not to enjoy it. More later
Hereford joins Cornwall, Shangri-La & other places which no-one’s heard of, in tier 1. More later.
Royal Navy to shoo British fish away from Europe & back to Britain. More later.
South African covid variant ‘not as good as ours’ claim British experts

Walter Eagle

Gavin Williamson insists that Nigerian schools should remain open. More later.
Johnson vows to level up whole country to tier 4. More soon
Johnson’s rules of covid club : no.1 – don’t obey these rules of covid club. More later.
Tom Cruise threatens virus: ‘come on then, pick on someone your own size!’ more later.
Trump pardons Charles Manson and Mr. Blonde. Oh, and Kenny G too

Wrenfoe

Anyone using the word ‘granular’ doesn’t actually understand what is going on. More later.
Newsbiscuit’s Lockdown Oscars: https://youtu.be/hxarcct2kai
Newsbiscuit’s Marmalade Story: https://youtu.be/ycjqb5dah4m
Starmer votes for Brexit to prove Corbyn is a secret Brexiteer. More soon
UK not sure if brexit deal was from the nice or the naughty list.

Posted 3 months ago #
A.Mantra

offline
Member

Cheers Throngsman, very kind and also thanks as always for your efforts compiling the scores. Some great subs as always.

Happy New Year to all. What could possibly go wrong in 2021...?!

Posted 3 months ago #
Titus

online
Member

Congrats, Wren - a load of good stuff there. And thank-you to t-m with your abacus.

And wahey me - probly the highest I've been. But beaten fairly by better writers.
_ _ _

Can't remember - do we ever do a 'Writer of the Year' calculation?

Posted 3 months ago #
throngsman

offline
Member

Can't remember - do we ever do a 'Writer of the Year' calculation?

You ask this question every year - and the answer is yes (for last year and the year before and...in a few minutes)

Posted 3 months ago #
Titus

online
Member

You ask this question every year - and the answer is yes

Apologies - me senile old git.

Posted 3 months ago #
TechGuy

offline
Key Master

Congrats wren ... mug disinfected, and passed with all associated paperwork and tariffs from dr chutney to wren

Thanks Tm as always

And happy new year !

Posted 3 months ago #
throngsman

offline
Member

Techguy - Wren came second. A.Mantra won the competition this month!

Happy New Year, btw

Posted 3 months ago #
TechGuy

offline
Key Master

Whoops! ... I’ll switch it over !

All back to normal ..

Congrats A Mantra !

Posted 3 months ago #
DavidH

offline
Member

Congrats A.Mantra. Good work.
Thanks to Throngsman for compiling.

Posted 3 months ago #
Doctor Chutney

offline
Member

A Mantra masterclass. Loved the Backpackers article in particular.

Posted 3 months ago #
A.Mantra

offline
Member

Thanks very much!

Posted 3 months ago #
SteveB

offline
Member

Very well done to A.Mantra - a month of quality Front Pages and NiBs from you. And thanks again to Mrs O'Feld for all of the evil calculating.

Posted 3 months ago #

RSS feed for this topic

Reply

You must log in to post.