Pope Benedict XVI has resigned as Head of the Catholic Church here on earth and as from now on would like to be known simply as ol' Joe Ratzinger once again.
Insiders at the Vatican have denied rumours that the Pope had becoming increasingly disillusioned with the lack of support he received from above and was ‘pissed at always being the fall guy'
The official line is that the Pontiff is standing down on medical grounds, but the rumour mill will not stop turning.
An audio clip posted on YouTube claims the voice heard in the background is that of the Pope ranting to himself while sitting on the toilet during his morning constitution.
Although the sound quality is not perfect and the speaker is clearly gagging on his words at times, he is heard to say
‘I get it in the neck all the time but it seems HE can't do anything wrong.
I do all the work and HE gets all the praise
The kiddie fiddlers do what they do in HIS name, not mine.
They are appointed by the church to serve HIM not me.
It was not my idea to create a celibate men-only club, it was HIS
Not my idea to make all the women subservient and hide behind veils, it was HIS
Millions have been butchered in HIS name, not mine.
HE gets to shag virgins and I have to go without
It’s me dressed up in this ridiculous frock, not HIM
It's HIM who neglected his young lad and left him to die on the cross, not me
It's HIM who is responsible for all the famine, earthquakes, tsunamis, disease - they're HIS idea, not mine.
But who gets it in the neck when it all goes wrong - too f****n' right, me.
And where is he when all this is going on?
Well, that's the point really. Apart from turning up on a piece of toast or pizza wedge now and again, nobody has seen him in years.
They say he is watching over us all the time, so why has he left up to me to apologise for all the kiddie fiddling. Why can’t he face up to his responsibilities now and again, why can’t he do it for once?
Always the bridesmaid, never the bride, that’s me.
I’ve had a shit, you can wipe my arse now.
This is desperate, utter rubbish but hey