Gavin Williamson has doubled down on his statement that the UK has approved the Pfizer vaccine first because “we’re much a better country”, saying that that not only is rushing the approval process to get first dibs on the drugs an indicator of a top quality country, so is not getting your hands dirty actually making the medicine.
“Leave it to the Belgians to do all the actual boiling it up and spooning it into the bottle” said Gavin, “manufacturing isn’t really our cup of tea in this government. You see, UK PLC is all about the City. A gentleman doesn’t churn out physical product, good God no. He simply keeps a tight hold of the purse strings, and takes a few thou every time he loosens them for jonny foreigner to buy some machinery or whatnot. All that medicine making is worthy, I suppose, but awfully dull and earnest.”
Other markers of being the best country include being the last into lockdown, having the highest per-capita death rate from COVID-19, and knowing the correct side of the road to drive on when travelling to Barnard Castle.
Meanwhile, the UK’s first consignment of the American-designed Belgian-manufactured vaccine is currently in (very) cold storage while officials rush to complete the paperwork needed to get as much as possible delivered before January 1st, when the yet-to-be-finalised Brexit customs rules mean that the rest of the vaccine will be stuck on the back of an HGV in the Nigel Farage Memorial Lorry Park in Dover for six months.
