Shocking scenes of violence have erupted across the Country today following a controversial decision in the European Court of Human Rights to ban the proposed Bin Laden Celebrations.
A consortium of British based Islamic fundamentalist organisations had sought clarity and support from the Court to be allowed to celebrate Bin Laden Night, an idea thought to have some basis in the British celebration of the jaunty, charismatic and much loved terrorist Guy Fawkes.
Mohamed Al Bashiri, spokesman for the group told assembled press before the hearing that it was about time the muslim community were granted equal rights and allowed to celebrate the life, achievements and overall supremacy of Oussama Bin Laden in the same spirit, with the exception of course of any effigies being burnt that resembled him. Although Mohamed was quick to point out that they would wish to retain the right to burn effigies of anyone who had particularly annoyed the Islamic world that year. Similarly part of the court appeal included a section about the retail sale and use of special fireworks which could come in a variety of designs such as aircraft, bottles, shoes and even print cartridges.
The unanimous verdict of the European Court however to ban any such celebrations on the basis that it would not be fair and dignified to celebrate a person of such standing as Oussama Bin Laden until such a time as he was officially declared to be dead, led to tears, anger, frustration, outrageously loud moans of anguish and despair and of course the obligatory burning of effigies and the EU Flag.
Press Officer and Publicity Advisor for the European Court of Human Rights, Baroness Hilda Schmidt said “After hours of deliberation the court decided that no such event or similar type of celebration would be warranted and justified until such a time as Oussama Bin Laden was officially declared to be dead, we applied the same logic to the appeals for a Gerry Adams Night and the more high profile campaign for a Martin McGuiness Night!” When pressed by assembled journalists if the ruling would be reviewed if Oussama came out and declared himself to be dead, Hilda Schmidt said it would depend upon him confessing his involvement in the actual atrocities attributed to him. “We considered the same scenario in the Martin McGuiness Night claim and ruled that since Mr McGuiness had consistently denied any involvement in any terrorist atrocities then any such martyr status was really not valid, after all Guy Fawkes was stretched on a rack and buggered mercilessly before being hung, drawn and quartered, should Mr McGuiness or Oussam Bin Laden wish to replicate his commitment to their cause then we would of course be delighted” “To review the case, I mean”