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1. 

   throngsman
   

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   Doctor Chutney is making a good start this month, leading the pack by a good margin. As usual full list of subs can be found on the blog

   

   Posted 2 weeks ago #

2. 

   

   Doctor Chutney
   

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   OMG! Peaked far too early. Can I just cash out now and retire to my mink farm near Copenhagen?

   Posted 2 weeks ago #

3. 

   sydalg
   

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   You're peaking way too early, Doc. It took me 15 years to get one of my subs used. All posts were delivered by carrier pigeon in those days.

   Posted 2 weeks ago #

4. 

   Wrenfoe
   

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   I always liked Chutney

   Posted 2 weeks ago #

5. 

   Sinnick
   

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   I always liked Chutney

   
   May I be the first to congratulate you on coming out, Wrenfoe

   Posted 2 weeks ago #

6. 

   oshaughnessy
   

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   Nice going, Doc. I'll stand in solidarity with Wren and admit that I'm partial to Sticky Fig and Plum & Apple myself. Thanks to Throngs for crunching the numbers on the Japanese supercomputer.

   Posted 2 weeks ago #

7. 

   Al OPecia
   

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   Nice going Doc - are you in possession of a locker. Asking for a friend.

   Posted 2 weeks ago #

8. 

   SteveB
   

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   Good stuff, Doc. You can certainly cash out if you agree to keep an eye on the NewsBiscuit ostrich farm in Malmö.

   Topper-doffs and cravat ruffles to Throngs for supreme and ongoing abacus work.

   Posted 2 weeks ago #

9. 

   throngsman
   

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   There's going to be a delay in this month's results. Apparently the Donald has ordered a recount. Or I've just found that single malts and Microsoft keyboards don't mix. Blew said keyboard up on Saturday and waiting for the replacement to be delivered. Although I can use the PC in tablet mode manipulating the data without a trackpad and mouse buttons would be a real faff.

   Normal service will be restored as soon as possible.

   Posted 3 days ago #

10. 

    deceangli
    

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    Sounds like a waste of whisky . . .

    Posted 3 days ago #

11. 

    Vertically Challenged Giant
    

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    I'm curious, did the single malt directly damage the keyboard, or was the keyboard damaged in an accident after drinking too much single malt?

    Posted 3 days ago #

12. 

    throngsman
    

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    Dece, agreed.

    VCG, strictly the former, the latter probably had a part in it. Basically sitting down with a refill my arm caught the arm of the chair. All seemed fine until next day using excel and suddenly strange characters started appearing, cursor keys worked in opposite directions and caps toggled on and off randomly.

    Posted 3 days ago #

13. 

    dominic_mcg
    

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    So, I get to keep the crown for another day?
    Hehehehe...

    Posted 3 days ago #

14. 

    sydalg
    

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    Or I've just found that single malts and Microsoft keyboards don't mix. Blew said keyboard up on Saturday and waiting for the replacement to be delivered.

    That malt is part of an elaborate WOTM fraud. I advise Dom not to accept the result, whatever it is.

    Posted 3 days ago #

15. 

    SteveB
    

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    Throngsman: tough to type when all the characters are whis-keys?

    Actually, I have a lovely image where the keys on the left of your keyboard are like little Outer Hebrides islands sitting in a sea of whisky.

    Posted 3 days ago #

16. 

    Sir Lupus
    

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    How much have you had Steve?

    We know what to get you for Xmas now Throngs anyway. A new keyboard.

    Posted 2 days ago #

17. 

    Sinnick
    

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    You should turn it off & on again, using Ctrl-Malt-Delete

    Posted 2 days ago #

18. 

    Chipchase
    

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    FAKE NOOZE!

    Posted 2 days ago #

19. 

    SteveB
    

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    ...And Throngsman himself edges it by a cat's whiskies...

    Posted 2 days ago #

20. 

    Midfield Diamond
    

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    Scotch whisky doesn't like Microsoft keyboards. It prefers a Mac, or a Mc.

    Posted 2 days ago #

21. 

    throngsman
    

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    OK, thanks for the sympathy everybody! Good news is Microsoft got the replacement I ordered on Sunday to me by this morning while I was in work.

    So...well done Doctor Chutney, what a month you've had. Wren kept you jogging but you kept up the pace. Some great subs again this month. All the FPs, NiBs and LAs are on the blog and, as usual, the tickers are listed below the leader board.

    

    Adrian Bamforth

    8 out of 10 Russian bears choose tinned humans. More soon
    Further humiliation for Trump as Iranians are already burning effigies of Biden
    Maradona cheats death
    Only two more lockdowns until Christmas
    Rudy Giuliani caught breaking into Watergate Carpet Remnant Warehouse, Stamford. More soon
    Trump aggrieved at Pfizer after putting all his money on Toilet Duck. More soon
    Trump: ‘many of these voters were dead and I should know because I killed them’

    Al Opecia

    Brexiteers infuriated by cod moving in mysterious ways. More soon
    Cummings arrested driving to Barnard Castle for vaccination. More soon
    Cummings to manage shop next to Four Seasons Landscaping Philadelphia. More soon
    Foreign fish to be banned from UK waters. More soon.
    Trump heads to bunker. Melania and pet dog looking nervous. More soon
    Trump slams Oval Office door on Joe Biden’s foot

    Apepper

    Decision on Christmas expected by Easter

    Bookiesfriend

    Pfizer covid-19 vaccine trial proceeds without cock-up. More soon

    Camz

    Stripper barters with tattoo artist in tit for tat deal. More soon
    Trump initiates lawsuits on 71 million Democrat voters
    Trump seen sewing fish into oval office curtains, and shitting on desk
    Washington removal companies now insisting on cash upfront.

    Chrisf

    Cummings seen leaving Downing Street with box of frogs. More soon

    Deceangli

    Cummings’ season 1 finale nominated for a BAFTA. More soon

    Deskpilot3

    Cummings disappointed that he didn’t see that coming… more soon

    Dick Everyman

    Cummings leaves bucket of pig’s blood suspended over door of number 10’s flat. More soon

    Doctor Chutney

    BBC ask Boris Johnson to conduct enquiry into Diana interview. More soon
    Black Friday and Cyber Monday to be followed by return the tat Thursday. More soon
    Heaven says Jesus saves even better now he’s got coaching from Ray Clemence. More later
    Liverpool Catholics first to trial mass testing
    Men trapped in tumble dryer had heard there was something going round.
    Pudsey Bear criticises NHS waiting times for eye operations. More soon
    Students who fail covid tests will not have to resit them. More soon
    US democracy out for the count
    Word of the year ‘lockdown’ not impressing stolen bike owners. More soon

    Dominic_mcg

    Corbyn returns to Labour after paying his Jews. More soon.
    Cummings resigns to take up a post terrorizing small town in an ice hockey mask. More soon
    Man with allergy to polo shirts has a fit of pique. More soon.
    Strictly to continue during lockdown, says BBC. Could 2020 get worse? Say public
    Survey finds most toilet paper bought by regular people. More soon.

    Dumbing Down

    Melania confirms her husband suffers from premature congratulations

    Granger

    Brewer makes new stout called “substantial meal.”

    Guido Drapatolli

    Pope orders new carpets. More soon

    Ian Searle

    Cummings exit a chance to ‘reset government’ have you tried turning off and on? More soon
    First year ever people are jealous of “I’m a Celebrity” contestants

    JETFAB

    Dick-a-dum-done. More later

    Knacker

    End of the lockdown was always going to end in tiers

    Maxine Jones

    Boyfriends celebrate never being dragged round top shop again
    Trump’s departure marks end of era where jokes just write themselves

    Micca

    Maga redefined – man at golf-course again. More soon

    Mick Turate

    Boris Johnson starts his first day in charge of the government. More soon
    Cummings to start mobile childcare business. More soon
    Government offers free Union Jack tattoo with every covid-19 vaccination

    Mirthless Evil C

    “I’m sorry I haven’t a clue” voted best radio analogy for Johnson’s government.
    Cummings pictured walking out of No 10 with BoJo’s bus modelling kit. More soon
    Declaration of Republican win trumped up
    Japanese trade deal rated 10 by Truss Pilot
    New testing scandal as pirates’ aaarrr rates inflated by dirty swabs
    Voting patterns suggests Putin could still achieve a second term

    Myke

    Putin demands a recount. More soon

    not amused

    Leave means leave – Cummings told. More soon

    Oshaughnessy

    First signs of Australian style Brexit as Boris calls a cobber meeting
    Mink related coronavirus deadly but victims will look absolutely fabulous
    Scientists say Blackpool vaccine trials scrapped due to lack of pier reviews
    Search resumes for this ‘responsible Prime Minister’ Boris was talking about
    Trump lays wreath at the tomb of the unknown loser. More soon

    Rogerg

    Contracts for UK flood defences to depend on size of bung. More soon

    Sir Lupus

    Time for Trump to wake up and smell the covfefe

    Smart Alex

    Man admits defeat as attempt to swim length of infinity pool enters third day
    Waitrose still allowed to sell essential artichoke hearts

    Spankeymonkey

    Maragona

    SteveB

    Boris Johnson still banging on about some disease which poses no threat to UK
    Football disassociates itself from football association. More soon
    Madagascan chameleon last seen 100 years ago wins hide-and-seek title
    Make America wait again
    Racist kicks all races out of football racism. More soon
    Russian vaccine will be 107% successful. More soon
    UK fishing quota negotiators achieve 2 sticklebacks from the Erewash canal

    Theboyinthebubble

    Cain not able. Cummings. Going. Gone. More soon

    TheNewsWalrus

    US votes in most divisive election since the last one

    Throngsman

    Green light for Sizewell was initially ‘a little off white’. More soon
    Have you been mis-sold poppies? More soon
    Prof Van-Tam ‘inspired by John Gummer’. More soon
    Three men rescued from laundry device ‘hung out to dry’

    Titus

    James Dyson speaks out against anti vacs campaigners. More later
    We wait months for a vaccine, then three come along at once

    Walter Eagle

    Dutch train spokesman admits accident limitation “was just a fluke”
    Johnson backs Sutcliffe, Wand and Shipman. More soon
    The Devil’s goin’ down in Georgia

    Posted 2 days ago #

22. 

    

    Doctor Chutney
    

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    Wow! Some accolade. This is right up there with my 10 Yards swimming certificate. And I really thought I'd blown it in the Swimwear Round.

    Is this where I have to thank everyone? Or cry? Or make some political point? Not sure what the form is so I'll just say a big thank you to throngsman for producing the alcohol soaked data, and quietly and modestly exit the stage, before yelling and punching the air.

    Posted 2 days ago #

23. 

    Wrenfoe
    

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    I knew Chutney would be my downfall.

    Posted 2 days ago #

24. 

    TechGuy
    

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    Key Master

    Congrats to the Doctor ... mug transferred from dominic to the chutney physician ...

    Thanks to tm as always

    Posted 2 days ago #

25. 

    Vertically Challenged Giant
    

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    Congratulations Dr Chutney, well deserved. And thank you once again to throngsman.

    Posted 2 days ago #

26. 

    Sinnick
    

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    Congrats to all, esp Chutney, MD

    Worth noting, that even though DavidH got more FPs than anyone else, I got more hat-tips than he did. Hah !

    Maybe I need to polish my biro some more

    Posted 1 day ago #

27. 

    SteveB
    

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    Excellent contributions across the board, Doc. Particularly appreciated your multiverse one.

    Posted 1 day ago #

28. 

    deceangli
    

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    Hang on, if the US voting machines were all soaked in whisky Trump would have demanded a recount.

    I declare myself the winner. Doc Chutney is a loser, his party are all losers, they want to steal this election mug

    Etc

    Posted 1 day ago #

29. 

    throngsman
    

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    You're worried about a whisky soaked machine? I'm using a cast off NHS excel spreadsheet. Probably half the subs weren't counted.

    Posted 1 day ago #

30. 

    oshaughnessy
    

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    Congrats on winning the virtual mug this month Doc. Thanks to Throngs for the mathematical convolutions. I don't know if it helps but here at O'Shaughnessy Towers, the staff are all equipped with keyboards that have a Whis-Key.

    Posted 1 day ago #

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