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Nov 2020 WOTM competition

(35 posts) (18 voices)

Started 3 months ago by throngsman
Latest reply from Chipchase

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throngsman

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Doctor Chutney is making a good start this month, leading the pack by a good margin. As usual full list of subs can be found on the blog

Posted 3 months ago #
Doctor Chutney

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OMG! Peaked far too early. Can I just cash out now and retire to my mink farm near Copenhagen?

Posted 3 months ago #
sydalg

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You're peaking way too early, Doc. It took me 15 years to get one of my subs used. All posts were delivered by carrier pigeon in those days.

Posted 3 months ago #
Wrenfoe

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I always liked Chutney

Posted 3 months ago #
Sinnick

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I always liked Chutney

May I be the first to congratulate you on coming out, Wrenfoe

Posted 3 months ago #
oshaughnessy

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Nice going, Doc. I'll stand in solidarity with Wren and admit that I'm partial to Sticky Fig and Plum & Apple myself. Thanks to Throngs for crunching the numbers on the Japanese supercomputer.

Posted 3 months ago #
Al OPecia

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Nice going Doc - are you in possession of a locker. Asking for a friend.

Posted 3 months ago #
SteveB

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Good stuff, Doc. You can certainly cash out if you agree to keep an eye on the NewsBiscuit ostrich farm in Malmö.

Topper-doffs and cravat ruffles to Throngs for supreme and ongoing abacus work.

Posted 3 months ago #
throngsman

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There's going to be a delay in this month's results. Apparently the Donald has ordered a recount. Or I've just found that single malts and Microsoft keyboards don't mix. Blew said keyboard up on Saturday and waiting for the replacement to be delivered. Although I can use the PC in tablet mode manipulating the data without a trackpad and mouse buttons would be a real faff.

Normal service will be restored as soon as possible.

Posted 2 months ago #
deceangli

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Sounds like a waste of whisky . . .

Posted 2 months ago #
Vertically Challenged Giant

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I'm curious, did the single malt directly damage the keyboard, or was the keyboard damaged in an accident after drinking too much single malt?

Posted 2 months ago #
throngsman

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Dece, agreed.

VCG, strictly the former, the latter probably had a part in it. Basically sitting down with a refill my arm caught the arm of the chair. All seemed fine until next day using excel and suddenly strange characters started appearing, cursor keys worked in opposite directions and caps toggled on and off randomly.

Posted 2 months ago #
dominic_mcg

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So, I get to keep the crown for another day?
Hehehehe...

Posted 2 months ago #
sydalg

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Or I've just found that single malts and Microsoft keyboards don't mix. Blew said keyboard up on Saturday and waiting for the replacement to be delivered.

That malt is part of an elaborate WOTM fraud. I advise Dom not to accept the result, whatever it is.

Posted 2 months ago #
SteveB

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Throngsman: tough to type when all the characters are whis-keys?

Actually, I have a lovely image where the keys on the left of your keyboard are like little Outer Hebrides islands sitting in a sea of whisky.

Posted 2 months ago #
Sir Lupus

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How much have you had Steve?

We know what to get you for Xmas now Throngs anyway. A new keyboard.

Posted 2 months ago #
Sinnick

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You should turn it off & on again, using Ctrl-Malt-Delete

Posted 2 months ago #
Chipchase

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FAKE NOOZE!

Posted 2 months ago #
SteveB

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...And Throngsman himself edges it by a cat's whiskies...

Posted 2 months ago #
Midfield Diamond

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Scotch whisky doesn't like Microsoft keyboards. It prefers a Mac, or a Mc.

Posted 2 months ago #
throngsman

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OK, thanks for the sympathy everybody! Good news is Microsoft got the replacement I ordered on Sunday to me by this morning while I was in work.

So...well done Doctor Chutney, what a month you've had. Wren kept you jogging but you kept up the pace. Some great subs again this month. All the FPs, NiBs and LAs are on the blog and, as usual, the tickers are listed below the leader board.

Adrian Bamforth

8 out of 10 Russian bears choose tinned humans. More soon
Further humiliation for Trump as Iranians are already burning effigies of Biden
Maradona cheats death
Only two more lockdowns until Christmas
Rudy Giuliani caught breaking into Watergate Carpet Remnant Warehouse, Stamford. More soon
Trump aggrieved at Pfizer after putting all his money on Toilet Duck. More soon
Trump: ‘many of these voters were dead and I should know because I killed them’

Al Opecia

Brexiteers infuriated by cod moving in mysterious ways. More soon
Cummings arrested driving to Barnard Castle for vaccination. More soon
Cummings to manage shop next to Four Seasons Landscaping Philadelphia. More soon
Foreign fish to be banned from UK waters. More soon.
Trump heads to bunker. Melania and pet dog looking nervous. More soon
Trump slams Oval Office door on Joe Biden’s foot

Apepper

Decision on Christmas expected by Easter

Bookiesfriend

Pfizer covid-19 vaccine trial proceeds without cock-up. More soon

Camz

Stripper barters with tattoo artist in tit for tat deal. More soon
Trump initiates lawsuits on 71 million Democrat voters
Trump seen sewing fish into oval office curtains, and shitting on desk
Washington removal companies now insisting on cash upfront.

Chrisf

Cummings seen leaving Downing Street with box of frogs. More soon

Deceangli

Cummings’ season 1 finale nominated for a BAFTA. More soon

Deskpilot3

Cummings disappointed that he didn’t see that coming… more soon

Dick Everyman

Cummings leaves bucket of pig’s blood suspended over door of number 10’s flat. More soon

Doctor Chutney

BBC ask Boris Johnson to conduct enquiry into Diana interview. More soon
Black Friday and Cyber Monday to be followed by return the tat Thursday. More soon
Heaven says Jesus saves even better now he’s got coaching from Ray Clemence. More later
Liverpool Catholics first to trial mass testing
Men trapped in tumble dryer had heard there was something going round.
Pudsey Bear criticises NHS waiting times for eye operations. More soon
Students who fail covid tests will not have to resit them. More soon
US democracy out for the count
Word of the year ‘lockdown’ not impressing stolen bike owners. More soon

Dominic_mcg

Corbyn returns to Labour after paying his Jews. More soon.
Cummings resigns to take up a post terrorizing small town in an ice hockey mask. More soon
Man with allergy to polo shirts has a fit of pique. More soon.
Strictly to continue during lockdown, says BBC. Could 2020 get worse? Say public
Survey finds most toilet paper bought by regular people. More soon.

Dumbing Down

Melania confirms her husband suffers from premature congratulations

Granger

Brewer makes new stout called “substantial meal.”

Guido Drapatolli

Pope orders new carpets. More soon

Ian Searle

Cummings exit a chance to ‘reset government’ have you tried turning off and on? More soon
First year ever people are jealous of “I’m a Celebrity” contestants

JETFAB

Dick-a-dum-done. More later

Knacker

End of the lockdown was always going to end in tiers

Maxine Jones

Boyfriends celebrate never being dragged round top shop again
Trump’s departure marks end of era where jokes just write themselves

Micca

Maga redefined – man at golf-course again. More soon

Mick Turate

Boris Johnson starts his first day in charge of the government. More soon
Cummings to start mobile childcare business. More soon
Government offers free Union Jack tattoo with every covid-19 vaccination

Mirthless Evil C

“I’m sorry I haven’t a clue” voted best radio analogy for Johnson’s government.
Cummings pictured walking out of No 10 with BoJo’s bus modelling kit. More soon
Declaration of Republican win trumped up
Japanese trade deal rated 10 by Truss Pilot
New testing scandal as pirates’ aaarrr rates inflated by dirty swabs
Voting patterns suggests Putin could still achieve a second term

Myke

Putin demands a recount. More soon

not amused

Leave means leave – Cummings told. More soon

Oshaughnessy

First signs of Australian style Brexit as Boris calls a cobber meeting
Mink related coronavirus deadly but victims will look absolutely fabulous
Scientists say Blackpool vaccine trials scrapped due to lack of pier reviews
Search resumes for this ‘responsible Prime Minister’ Boris was talking about
Trump lays wreath at the tomb of the unknown loser. More soon

Rogerg

Contracts for UK flood defences to depend on size of bung. More soon

Sir Lupus

Time for Trump to wake up and smell the covfefe

Smart Alex

Man admits defeat as attempt to swim length of infinity pool enters third day
Waitrose still allowed to sell essential artichoke hearts

Spankeymonkey

Maragona

SteveB

Boris Johnson still banging on about some disease which poses no threat to UK
Football disassociates itself from football association. More soon
Madagascan chameleon last seen 100 years ago wins hide-and-seek title
Make America wait again
Racist kicks all races out of football racism. More soon
Russian vaccine will be 107% successful. More soon
UK fishing quota negotiators achieve 2 sticklebacks from the Erewash canal

Theboyinthebubble

Cain not able. Cummings. Going. Gone. More soon

TheNewsWalrus

US votes in most divisive election since the last one

Throngsman

Green light for Sizewell was initially ‘a little off white’. More soon
Have you been mis-sold poppies? More soon
Prof Van-Tam ‘inspired by John Gummer’. More soon
Three men rescued from laundry device ‘hung out to dry’

Titus

James Dyson speaks out against anti vacs campaigners. More later
We wait months for a vaccine, then three come along at once

Walter Eagle

Dutch train spokesman admits accident limitation “was just a fluke”
Johnson backs Sutcliffe, Wand and Shipman. More soon
The Devil’s goin’ down in Georgia

Posted 2 months ago #
Doctor Chutney

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Wow! Some accolade. This is right up there with my 10 Yards swimming certificate. And I really thought I'd blown it in the Swimwear Round.

Is this where I have to thank everyone? Or cry? Or make some political point? Not sure what the form is so I'll just say a big thank you to throngsman for producing the alcohol soaked data, and quietly and modestly exit the stage, before yelling and punching the air.

Posted 2 months ago #
Wrenfoe

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I knew Chutney would be my downfall.

Posted 2 months ago #
TechGuy

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Congrats to the Doctor ... mug transferred from dominic to the chutney physician ...

Thanks to tm as always

Posted 2 months ago #
Vertically Challenged Giant

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Congratulations Dr Chutney, well deserved. And thank you once again to throngsman.

Posted 2 months ago #
Sinnick

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Congrats to all, esp Chutney, MD

Worth noting, that even though DavidH got more FPs than anyone else, I got more hat-tips than he did. Hah !

Maybe I need to polish my biro some more

Posted 2 months ago #
SteveB

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Excellent contributions across the board, Doc. Particularly appreciated your multiverse one.

Posted 2 months ago #
deceangli

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Hang on, if the US voting machines were all soaked in whisky Trump would have demanded a recount.

I declare myself the winner. Doc Chutney is a loser, his party are all losers, they want to steal this ~~election~~ mug

Etc

Posted 2 months ago #
throngsman

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You're worried about a whisky soaked machine? I'm using a cast off NHS excel spreadsheet. Probably half the subs weren't counted.

Posted 2 months ago #
oshaughnessy

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Congrats on winning the virtual mug this month Doc. Thanks to Throngs for the mathematical convolutions. I don't know if it helps but here at O'Shaughnessy Towers, the staff are all equipped with keyboards that have a Whis-Key.

Posted 2 months ago #