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Don't think this is really for the other place, so bunging it here and we'll see how or where it goes. Any line from any book, film, TV, but 'improved' in some way which amuses you.
"Nice suit. Asda, Farnborough. I have two myself. I hear Arafat gets his there."
- DIE HARD (Hans Gruber making small talk in the lift with Takagi)
From The Sound Of Musical Zombies ...
Hnnnnnrgh, a deer, a female deer,
Hnnnnnrgh,a drop of golden sun,
Hnnnnnrgh, a name, I call myself,
Hnnnnnrgh, a long, long way to run
and so on
The Hnnnnnrgh must be delivered in a loud, flat, unwavering monotone for best effect.
It's not big, and it is not clever, but it makes us larf
"I'm as mad as hell and I'm going to wear a mask and stay in like the government says".
"Keep your friends close, but no closer than 2m".
"2B or not 2B...the numbering on these apartments is so confusing".
“It was a bright cold day at the Innumeracy Institute, and the clocks were striking thirteen”.
"I could had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am" - Boris Johnson looking back in 2030
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here ! THis is the War Room !" - Boris and Cummings
"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in the world, she walks into mine. Sorry we're closed. Lockdown"
"I'm going to make the EU an offer they can't refuse" - Boris
If you are looking for a donation, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let me walk past you now, that'll be the end of it.
"Luke. I am your father's gay lover."
"I'll be back...after I've paid for my parking, and driven round the one way system again."
"Every time a bell rings, a blood pressure monitor records an increase."
"Mrs Robinson. You're a bit of a MILF, aren't you?"
"Play it Sam. Play 'Ace of Spades' ".
Couldn't resist some more...
"We'll always have Weston-super-Mare"
"Badgers. Why'd it have to be badgers?"
"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some potato waffles and a nice Lambrini."
"You want answers?"..."I think I'm entitled."..."You want answers?"..."I want the truth!"..."You're too short to play Jack Reacher."
This thread should be in the Writers' Room, with a good title. It would make a great Left Alert (we need a change), with intro & consistent formatting
~~
"Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Wigan anymore"
"May the Force be with you. Now check the mirror, and press the accelerator gently"
"I love the smell of nappies in the morning"
"A gimp mask means never being able to say you're sorry"
"Bond. Basildon Bond"
"I'll have what she's having. Period"
"Houston, we have a problem. You forgot to pack the bottle opener"
This thread should be in the Writers' Room, with a good title. It would make a great Left Alert (we need a change), with intro & consistent formatting
- Sinnick
If someone can see how to transition this to the other place and make it work, please do so. I can't even see how to make the title work for what it is. ('Improved' lines/quotes is wrong and not funny at all and needs to be dumped.)
I'd just go with camz's
"Luke. I am your father's gay lover."
...just 'cause it's been ten minutes now and I can't look at that line without going to bits.
----
No rush, by the way. This is one of those which might benefit from being allowed to fester for a bit as folks come up with more.
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