Controversial government Poppy Patrols have taken to the UK’s streets today ahead of next week’s Remembrance Day celebrations. The armed, Jack-booted, swastika-wearing volunteers will ensure that all citizens are wearing poppies so as to not fall foul of the emergency legislation introduced last week to force all UK residents to do so.
Armed Forced Minister Liam Fox defended the move in the House of Commons today. He said “These measures will ensure that everyone remembers our boys and the tremendous sacrifices they all made during the conflicts of the last century. How else would people possibly commemorate these heroes if we didn’t require them at gunpoint to stick a cheap red paper flower in their lapel?”
Forces Veteran Jack Bolam, 93, of West Byfleet commented “Have I missed something, or didn’t the people we are supposed to remember at this time die fighting against exactly this sort of thing?” Mr Bolam has since disappeared.