Research into what people are doing with their spare time has revealed that Brits are taking up a new activity which many are calling draggassing. Restrictions on traditional pastimes like fishing, gossiping, and tromboning have left people seeking new and intriguing things to do with their hands, mouth and lungs.
Professor of Modern Trends and former Cruise Liner Cabin Attendant, Jo Green, explained, 'Draggassing is an activity where a participant takes an item called a cigarette, produces a flame with a device like a matchstick or lighter, and ignites a dried plant substance contained within the cigarette by drawing air through it. I know it sounds a little far-fetched, but some seem to be doing this by putting one end of the cigarette in their mouths, and actually dragging the air through by breathing in. Think of it as a bit like vaping, but with something termed drag-gas, instead of sickly-sweet-smelling clouds of water vapour. The hobby is quite expensive and often leaves participants smelling of burnt things.'
Airport Ground Crew Engineer, now retrained as a Historian, Lucy Harper (24), nansplained, 'Records show that some segments of society may have engaged in this kind of activity before. Examining ancient archives of a television programme called QI, we discovered a British Comedian called Bill Bailey making visual references to an item called a pipe. It certainly gave his comments gravitas and made him seem very wise, but we have yet to establish whether he is sucking or blowing the so-called pipe.'
Harper concluded, 'It is possible that the pipe was designed to contain some sort of lit plant matter, but it's much more likely that its purpose was to blow bubbles.'
