It is believed the Government will formally announce later this week that Turkeys are to be given the right to vote for Christmas. The news follows a European Court of Rights ruling that, as they have two feet, poultry counts as being ‘nearly human’ and the Human Rights rulings should apply to them equally.
Sources close to the Government have suggested that David Cameron has scratched around looking for an alternative but has reluctantly decided that he had to follow the court’s findings rather than having to go up before the European beak.
The Prime Minster received a roasting in the House of Commons from MP’s accusing him of running scared of Europe. ‘I can categorically promise that I have checked and as quorn has no legs at all I can guarantee that our Christmas dinner will be just as good as ever,’ he promised to the sound of opposition members making clucking noises and cries of ‘Chicken’.
Labour leader Ed Miliband was scathing. 'It’s time to make a clean breast of it. The promise of quorn is just a hastily manufactured substitute policy and can only be assumed to be some kind of tasteless joke,' he scorned. ‘This is a right carve up and Mr Cameron will rue the day when his chickens come home to roost after voting at the polling sheds.'
The vote will probably take place by the beginning of December. It is widely expected that a majority of turkeys, backed by a powerful table bird alliance including ducks, geese and chickens, will vote against Christmas giving them the option of opting out of the festive season.
Traditionalist wings of turkey supporters have been trying to persuade voters to maintain the status quo by reminding their fellow foul of the glorious end with all the trimmings and the certain legacy of living on in people’s memories as they linger on at the back of the nation’s freezers for months to come. However, pundits expect these arguments will fail to get off the ground.